Traditions

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1. A man says to his wife A man says to his wife, “Get ready you, me & the dog are going fishing.” Wife says, “I dont want to go.” Man gives her 3 choices, fishing, blow job or take it up the a*se. Wife pick blow job. After she sucking for a while she says, “It tastes like sh*t. Man says, […]...
2. Where are my pyjamas? A man calls his wife and says to her, “Honey, I just got the chance of a lifetime to go on a week-long fishing trip with my boss. Could you pack up my things so that they will be ready when I get home?” “Sure, honey,” his wife answers.”Oh, and could you please pack my […]...
3. Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, “Now, who is going to tell the wife?” They draw straws. Rippington, who […]...
4. Some of the myths about marriage TOP15.Some of the myths about marriage… Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and says: “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.” The husband says: “WHAT??” The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional […]...
5. All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband. The husband was totally dumfounded and asks, “What was that for?” Wife said, “Because, you are a bad fuck”. Couple of minutes later, the husband smacks his wife. This time, the wife was confused and asked, “And may I ask what’s that about?” Husband said, ” […]...
6. Having the equipment A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up real early that morning and took a nap. While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar […]...
7. George W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DC George W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DC with his wife Laura. The waiter approaches the table and asks for his order. “I’ll have your biggest, juiciest London Broil,” answers the President. “But sir, what about the mad cow?!!” asks the waiter. “Oh,” answers Dubya, “she’ll order for herself.”...
8. On their first night to be together On their first night to be together, the newly wed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, “my dear, we are married now, you can open your robe.” The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. […]...
9. Sex on Sabbath A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the priest says, “My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex […]...
10. A wife begins to get a little worried because A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until at 8 p. m. the husband finally pulls into the driveway. “What happened?” says the wife. “You should have been […]...
11. A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the priest says, ” My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that […]...
12. One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with no experience. On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed, they start exploring each […]...
13. Obamacare The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, “Hello?” “Mrs. Sanders, please.” “Speaking.” “Mrs. Sanders, this is Dr. Jones at St. Agnes Laboratory. When your husband’s doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your […]...
14. Prescription This woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. He asks “What for?” She says “I want to kill my husband”. He says “Sorry, I can’t do that.” She then reaches inter her handbag a pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife and hands it […]...
15. Mrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hair Mrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hair. The first morning, the girl pulls off the hair and says, “I wear a wig, because I was born totally hairless. Not a hair on my body, not even down there.” That night, Mrs. Schmidlap tells her husband. He says, “I’ve never seen anything like that. […]...
16. Uh-Oh!! The husband finally wised up to the fact that his wife was less than faithful. He hired a private investigator to follow her and in less than a week, had all the information that he needed on the “other man”. The husband convinced himself that his would still be a loving and trustworthy marriage had […]...
17. Marriage quotes 11 My other wife is beautiful. My wife doesn’t care what I do away from home, as long as I don’t enjoy it. My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them. My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him! My wife says if I go fishing one […]...
18. Golf lessons A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, “No no, no, you’re gripping the club way too hard!” “Well, what should I do?” asks […]...
19. A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, “Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.” “Well,” the doctor replied, “go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say […]...
20. English Traditions – Английские традиции (1) Every nation and every country has its own customs and traditions. In Britain traditions play a more important part in the life of the people than in other countries. Englishmen are proud of their traditions and carefully keep them up. It has been the law for about three hundred years that all the theatres are […]...
21. Miracle Bra Alternative Miracle Bra Alternative A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks. One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in […]...
22. Albert arrives at a party and introduces himself to Albert arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, “What is your IQ?” to which the man answers, “241.” “That is wonderful!,” says Albert. “We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!” Next Albert introduces himself […]...
23. Marriage quotes 05 Dear Mrs, Mr, Miss, or Mr and Mrs Daneeka: Words cannot express the deep personal grief I experienced when your husband, son, father or brother was killed, wounded, or reported missing in action. – Catch-22 Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would look stout in a fur coat. Don’t marry for money; […]...
24. Suffering A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife about the problem. She responds, “My husband suffers from premature ejaculation.” The counselor turns to her husband and inquires “Is that true?” The husband replies “Well not exactly, she’s the one that suffers, not me.”...
25. An old retired man goes to his wife one day An old retired man goes to his wife one day, and says to her, “I don’t know how to tell you this dear, but the stock market crashed, and I’m afraid we’re broke.” The wife says, “No, we’re not. Let’s go for a drive into town.” Husband replies, “Our savings are all gone and you […]...
26. While in prison OJ had another prisoner join him in his cell While in prison O. J. had another prisoner join him in his cell. This person was 8′ tall and 670 lbs. of solid muscle. He asked O. J. if he wanted to be the husband or the wife. Now O. J. not being stupid started reasoning in his mind “OK if I say I’m going […]...
27. Gift tombstones A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary. The husband decides to give his wife a gift, a tombstone, with the inscription: “Here lies my wife…..cold as ever” Later the furious wife bought a return present, a tombstone with the inscription: “Here lies my husband…..stiff at last”...
28. Being hurt A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn’t comfortable with that. So the wife went on the ride by herself. The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband’s feet. […]...
29. Перевод слова football Football – футбол Перевод слова To play football – играть в футбол football match – футбольный матч football cup – розыгрыш кубка по футболу My son’s wild about Football. Мой сын просто без ума от футбола. The boys wanted to play Football. Ребята хотели играть в футбол. Dan’s crazy about Football. Дэн помешан на футболе. […]...
30. The wife is not speaking to me One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried. “What’s the matter?” the bartender asks. “My wife and I got into a fight,” explained the guy “and now she isn’t talking to me for a […]...
31. After the party, as the couple was driving home After the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks her husband, “Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?” The flattered husband said, “No, dear they haven’t.” The wife yells, “Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?”...
32. The wife of an older man is distraught The wife of an older man is distraught because her husband’s um… little sailor can’t salute anymore. She goes to her local doctor and explains the situation and the doctor just feels plain bad for her. The doc thinks for a little bit, turns to the woman and says, “listen, I don’t do this for […]...
33. Once some boys got together to play poker Once some boys got together to play poker one night, after about 4 hours of playing, Tim had severe chest pains and suddenly slumped over, one of the gamblers who happened to be a doctor, examined him, and to everybodies shock, poor Tim had died of a heart attack. All his friends didn’t know how […]...
34. Question answer 06 What lights up a football stadium? A football match! If you have a referee in football, what do you have in bowls? Cornflakes! Why aren’t football stadiums built in outer space? Because there is no atmosphere! Where do spiders play their FA Cup final? Webley stadium! When fish play football, who is the captain? The […]...
35. Paying Rent “That bastard husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker,” the housewife told a neighbor. “You didn’t do it, did you?” “I have to admit I did – though with certain misgivings, I might add. What I haven’t done, though, is tell my husband the […]...
36. Customs and traditions of english speaking countries Топик Обычаи и традиции англоязычных стран рассказывает о том, как бережно англичане относятся к своим традициям и, зная об этом, вы лучше узнаете британцев. Самый почитаемый праздник в Великобритании – это Рождество. Самая главная традиция этого праздника – дарить подарки, и не только родственникам, но и коллегам по работе. Вторая традиция – посылать поздравительные открытки. […]...
37. Conditional Features Uslovnye edinicy the Play About Love – Условные единицы пьеса про любовь Once I was invited to the theatre and I thought: “Oh, you invite me to watch some classical play”, but the answer was the following: “Conditional features, the play about love, it is modern by the way.” It happened in november, the 22nd of november to be exact, at Drama theatre named after I. A. […]...
38. It’s not a big deal, but it feels good A man comes home from work one day and he says to his wife: “Honey, I got a new secretary. And imagine what happened! She’s got a red and white bra. You know, these are the colors of my favorite football team. Anyway, it’s not a big deal but it feels good.” The next day […]...
39. Over the counter A middle aged man, about 5 foot 8 inches tall, walks into a Walmart and asks where the pharmacy counter is. He is directed to it. When he reaches it, he asks to see the pharmacist. The pharmacist comes and the man, looking around furtively, asks quietly, “Do you sell Viagra here?” The pharmacist answers […]...
40. Military traditions Top Holiday Traditions In The Military 9. Gluing Santa beard to your gas mask 8. Roasting chestnuts with an M4-A3 flamethrower 7. Draw up list of who’s naughty, who’s nice and who can’t run their 2 miles without wheezing like an infant 6. Christmas morning, getting to sleep in till 0530 5. You open a […]...