The Hat

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1. Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranchCowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church. «When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral,» Joe began. «You mean the parking lot,» interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow. «I walked up the trail to the door,» Joe ... Читать далее...
2. A fine sermonA man finally goes with his wife to church. The man was so impressed with the preacher’s sermon he stopped on the way out to shake his hand. «Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a DAMNED fine sermon.» The preacher says «Why thank you sir, but we don’t used profanity in the house of the ... Читать далее...
3. The Preacher buys a ParrotA preacher is buying a parrot. «Are you sure it doesn’t scream, yell, or swear?» asked the preacher. «Oh absolutely. It’s a religious parrot,» the storekeeper assures him. «Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord’s prayer, and when you pull on the left he ... Читать далее...
4. The congregation was sitting and waiting for the preacherThe congregation was sitting and waiting for the preacher to began his sermon when two masked men burst into the church and said «Whoever is not willing to take a bullet for Jesus better leave now.» More than half of the congregation jumped up and ran out the door. The two men took off their ... Читать далее...
5. A man lay sprawled across three entire seatsA man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, «Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.» The man groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became impatient. «Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have ... Читать далее...
6. Перевод слова unhappyUnhappy — несчастный, грустный, несчастливый Перевод слова Unhappy life — несчастливая жизнь in an unhappy hour — в злополучный час he looks unhappy — у него грустный вид The child looks Unhappy. Этот ребенок выглядит несчастным. I was desperately Unhappy. Я был безнадежно несчастен. I hate to see you Unhappy. Мне больно видеть, что ты ... Читать далее...
7. A lost skillThis preacher was looking for a good used lawnmower one day. He found one at a yard sale that Little Johnny happened to be manning. «This mower work, son?» the preacher asked. Little Johnny said, «Sure does — just pull on the cord hard, though.» The preacher took the mower home and when he got ... Читать далее...
8. Three couples wanted to join a churchThree couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor says, «We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.» The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor goes to the ... Читать далее...
9. Where are you fromThe cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, «Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.» The cowboy groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became more impatient. «Sir, if you don’t get up from there, I’m going ... Читать далее...
10. Значение идиомы show in[show in] or [out] or [up] or [to the door] {v. phr.} To usher;conduct; accompany. «My husband will show you in,» Mary said to theguests when they arrived at the door....
11. A little nine year old girl was in church with her motherA little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. «Mommy,» she said. «Can we leave now?» «No,» her mother replied. «Well, I think I have to throw up!» «Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush.» ... Читать далее...
12. A man is walking past this house when a used condomA man is walking past this house when a used condom comes flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his head. Rather disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to the front door and starts pounding on it. An elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him to knock ... Читать далее...
13. Перевод слова favoriteFavorite — любимый, излюбленный Перевод слова Dial your favorite program — найди свою любимую программу favorite diversion — любимое развлечение favorite menu options — наиболее часто используемые разделы меню Her Favorite color is blue. Ее любимый цвет — голубой. July is my Favorite month. Июль — это мой любимый месяц. He put $20 on the ... Читать далее...
14. Перевод слова stealSteal — украсть, воровать Перевод слова To steal the election — победить на выборах благодаря ухищрениям разного рода to steal a kiss — сорвать поцелуй to steal from a household — украсть из дома They’ve Stolen our liberty. Они похитили нашу свободу. Hunger drove them to Steal. Голод заставил их пойти на воровство. He’d Stolen ... Читать далее...
15. Перевод слова churchChurch — церковь Перевод слова To consecrate a church — освящать церковь to go into the church — принимать духовный сан as poor as a church mouse — бедный, как церковная мышь The Church burnt to the ground. Церковь сгорела дотла. It sounds like the Church bells. Похоже на перезвон колоколов. The Church is seeking ... Читать далее...
16. You know you are in a small townYou know you’re in a small town….. — when you don’t use turn signals because everybody knows where you’re going. — if you’re born on June 13 and your family receives gifts from the local merchants because you’re the first baby of the year. — if you speak to each dog you pass, by name….. ... Читать далее...
17. A pushA man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s half past three in the morning. «I’m not getting out of bed at this time,» he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. «Aren’t you going to ... Читать далее...
18. A veterinarian surgeonA veterinarian surgeon had had a hell of a day, but when he got home from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner, after which they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed. At about 2:00 in the morning, ... Читать далее...
19. Значение идиомы door[door] See: AT DEATH’S DOOR, AT ONE’S DOOR, CLOSED-DOOR, CLOSE ITS DOORS, CLOSE THE DOOR or BAR THE DOOR or SHUT THE DOOR, DARKEN ONE’S DOOR, or DARKEN THE DOOR, FOOT IN THE DOOR, KEEP THE WOLF FROM THE DOOR, LAY AT ONE’S DOOR, LOCK THE BARN DOOR AFTER THE HORSE IS STOLEN, NEXT DOOR, ... Читать далее...
20. An unfortunate coincidenceOne day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. «Reverend,» she said, «I have a problem—my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It’s very embarrassing. What should I do?» «I have an idea,» said the minister. «Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell ... Читать далее...
21. Partial DosageAn elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist said «That’s no problem. How many do you want?» The man answered, «Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces.» The pharmacist said, «That won’t do you any good.» The elderly gentleman said, «That’s ... Читать далее...
22. Значение идиомы count heads[count heads] or [count noses] {v. phr.}, {informal} To count the number of people in a group. On the class picnic, we counted heads before we left and when we arrived to be sure that no one got lost. The usher was told to look out into the audience and count noses....
23. Egg jokeIn a similar vein, tell your victim that you have a test of coordination you would like him to try with you. Find a door with a fairly large crack between the door and the wall when the door is open. (You know, over by the hinges; across the width of the door from the ... Читать далее...
24. An elderly couple, living apartAn elderly couple, living apart, had been dating for several years. One day Elmer said to Betsy, «We should stop this nonsense. We are paying two rents, two car insurance payments, buying separate food and cooking separate meals. We should just move in together. Betsy: Whose house would we live in? Elmer: Mine, it is ... Читать далее...
25. Значение идиомы lay the blame at one’s door[lay the blame at one’s door] {v. phr.} To say that another personor group is responsible for one’s own failure. The angry coach laidthe blame at the door of the players when our college lost thebasketball game....
26. Значение идиомы cast down[cast down] {adj.} Discouraged; sad; unhappy. — Used less often than the reverse form, «downcast». Mary was cast down at the news of her uncle’s death. Charles felt cast down when he lost the race....
27. Значение идиомы getaway car[getaway car] {n. phr.} A vehicle parked near the scene of a crimein which the criminals escape. The police intercepted the getawaycar at a major crossroads....
28. On his way out of church, Frank stopped at the doorOn his way out of church, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. «Would it be right,» he asked, «for a person to profit from the mistakes of another?» «Absolutely not!» replied the pastor. «In that case,» said the young man, «I wonder if you’d consider returning the hundred dollars I paid ... Читать далее...
29. Groundhog Day«I bet you don’t know what day this is», said the wife to her husband as he made his way out the front door. The husband was perplexed, but was always a quick thinker: «Of course I do, my dear. How could I forget!?» With that, he turned and rushed to catch the bus for ... Читать далее...
30. Knowing that the minister was very fond of cherry brandyKnowing that the minister was very fond of cherry brandy, one of the church elders offered to present him with a bottle on one consideration — that the pastor acknowledge receipt of the gift in the church paper. «Gladly,» responded the good man. When the church magazine came out a few days later, the elder ... Читать далее...
31. Read — it’s funAn elderly gentleman… Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to a doctor who was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, ‘Your hearing is ... Читать далее...
32. Перевод слова doorDoor — дверь Перевод слова Delivery at door — доставка заказов на дом dent on the door of a car — вмятина на двери автомобиля double door — двойная дверь The Door is ajar. Дверь приоткрыта. He barred the Door. Он запер дверь. Back from the Door! Отойди от двери!...
33. Значение идиомы close the door[close the door] or [bar the door] or [shut the door] {v. phr.} To prevent any more action or talk about a subject. The President’s veto closed the door to any new attempt to pass the bill. Joan was much hurt by what Mary said, and she closed the door on Mary’s attempt to apologize. ... Читать далее...
34. Значение идиомы for the best[for the best] {adj.} or {adv. phr.} good or best; not bad asthought; lucky; well, happily. Maybe it’s for the best that yourteam lost; now you know how the other boys felt. John’s parentsthought it would be for the best if he stayed out of school for therest of the year. Often used in the ... Читать далее...
35. Перевод идиомы steal the show / steal the spotlight, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: steal the show / steal the spotlight Перевод: сорвать все аплодисменты, заткнуть всех за пояс Пример: The singer always steals the spotlight when she sings. Эта певица всегда срывает все аплодисменты, когда поет....
36. The right rhythmOn hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, «He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.» Horrified, Katie told her ... Читать далее...
37. Amusing Humor about the IrishO’Toole volunteered to take care of his numerous children so that Mom could have an evening out. At bedtime he sent the youngsters upstairs to bed and settled down to read. One child kept creeping down the stairs, but O’Toole kept sending him back up. At 10 o’clock the doorbell rang. It was the next ... Читать далее...
38. Значение идиомы next door[next door] {adv.} or {adj.} 1. In or to the next house orapartment. He lived next door to me. She telephoned next doorto ask about John. The house next door caught fire. 2. Veryclose. — Used with «to». The sick man was next door to death. Printing secrets about our country’s missiles is next door ... Читать далее...
39. A woman and her lover are on the bedA woman and her lover are on the bed in the woman’s home, when all of a sudden, they hear the front door open and close. «Oh, no, it’s my husband!» The man says, «Where’s your back door?» «We don’t have a back door» says the woman. The man then asks, «Well, where do you ... Читать далее...
40. It’s dark in hereA woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her Lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there ... Читать далее...