So there were two guys on a roof, pounding nails

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1. Using nails on a house These two newfies are building a house. One of them is putting on the siding. He picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another nail, throws it away. Picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another, throws it away. This goes on for a while, and finally his friend comes over […]...
2. Two guys were out hunting, but they weren’t Two guys were out hunting, but they weren’t getting any ducks. “What do you think the problem is?” one man asked his companion. “I dunno,” came the reply, “Maybe we aren’t throwing the dog up high enough.”...
3. Значение идиомы hard as nails [hard as nails] {adj. phr.}, {informal} 1. Not flabby or soft;physically very fit; tough and strong. After a summer of work inthe country, Jack was as hard as nails, without a pound of extraweight. 2. Not gentle or mild; rough; stern. Johnny works for aboss who is as hard as nails and scolds Johnny roughly […]...
4. Значение идиомы bed of nails [bed of nails] {n. phr.} A difficult or unhappy situation or set of circumstances. “There are days when my job is a regular bed of nails,” Jim groaned. Contrast: BED OF ROSES....
5. Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were at this party they were at the night before. 1st guy: Man, I was so drunk that last night I got home and blew chunks. 2nd guy: Oh yeah? Well, I was so drunk that on the way home I was pulled over and […]...
6. Перевод сленгового выражения hard as nails, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: hard as nails Перевод: очень крепкий, стойкий, выносливый; недружелюбный, неприветливый, нерадушный Пример: You have to be hard as nails to play professional football. Чтобы профессионально играть в футбол, нужно быть очень выносливым. Rumsfeld is hard as nails – I’ve never even seen him smile. Румсфелд очень неприветлив, я ни разу не видел, чтобы […]...
7. Значение идиомы as hard as nails [as hard as nails] {adj. phr.} Very unfeeling; cruel, and unsympathetic. Uncle Joe is as hard as nails; although he is a millionaire, he doesn’t help his less fortunate relatives....
8. Where is my goat There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched […]...
9. Two guys were discussing popular family trends Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said, “I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?” Leroy replied, “I’m not sure, What was her maiden name?”...
10. Jokes about Ireland 2 Joey-Jim was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. “What’s wrong, Seamus?” Joey-Jim asked. “Well didn’t ya know, Joey-Jim, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?” said Seamus. “Ah, praise the Almighty!” he replied with relief. “I thought I’d […]...
11. This businessman was walking down the sidewalk This businessman was walking down the sidewalk when a jet black van stopped by him. The guys pulled the man inside, stripped him of all his clothes till he was butt naked, threw him back outside, and then slammed the door shut taking off. Five miles later the men look outside and see the businessman […]...
12. Laboratory Rabbit Freedom Laboratory Rabbit Freedom A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. ‘Wow, this is great,’ […]...
13. Значение идиомы throw away [throw away] {v.} 1. To get rid of as unwanted or not needed; junk. Before they moved they threw away everything they didn’t want totake with them. I never save those coupons; I just throw themaway. Syn.: THROW OUT. 2. To waste. The senator criticized thegovernment for throwing away billions on the space program. 3. […]...
14. Three guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, one Three guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, one is blind and the other appears normal. A couple of minutes later, God walks in to get a beer. He sees the guys and decides to have compassion on them. He touches the blind guy on the forehead, and his sight is restored. He […]...
15. To stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nails To stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nails, her mother tells her it’ll make her fat. “I won’t do it any more, Mom,” says the daughter. Next day they are out walking when they meet a very fat man. “If I bite my fingernails, I’ll be as fat as that, won’t I Mom?” […]...
16. When Joe’s wife ran away with his car, his money and When Joe’s wife ran away with his car, his money and his best friend, he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist. Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, “Life isn’t worth living. I think I’m gonna top myself.” “Don’t be stupid, Joe,” said the psychiatrist. “My wife ran […]...
17. Two guys go hunting Two guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted all his life. When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand. After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe […]...
18. Значение идиомы tooth and nail [tooth and nail] {adv. phr.} With all weapons or ways of fightingas hard as possible; fiercely. – Used after “fight” or a similar word. When the Indian girl was captured, she fought tooth and nail to getaway. The farmers fought tooth and nail to save their crops fromthe grasshoppers. His friends fought tooth and nail […]...
19. Three guys were sitting in a bar talking Three guys were sitting in a bar talking. One was a Doctor, one was a Lawyer, and one was a Biker. After a sip of his martini, the doctor said; “You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I got my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedez. I figure that if she doesn’t like the […]...
20. Значение идиомы pick off [pick off] {v.} 1. To pull off; remove with the fingers. Hepicked off the burs that had stuck to his overcoat. 2. To shoot, oneat a time; knock down one by one. The sniper picked off the slowersoldiers as they came out into the road. 3. To catch a base runneroff base by throwing the […]...
21. These two guys had just gotten divorces These two guys had just gotten divorces and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again. They got up there and went into a trader’s […]...
22. Перевод слова nail Nail – ноготь; гвоздь, забивать гвозди Перевод слова To drive a nail into the wall – вбивать гвоздь в стену to remove a nail – выдернуть гвоздь nail file – пилка для ногтей to break a nail – сломать ноготь I’ve broken my Nail. Я сломала ноготь. Strike the Nail home. Забей гвоздь до конца. […]...
23. Three guys are discussing women Three guys are discussing women. “I like to watch a woman’s tits best,” the first guy says. The second says “I like to look at a woman’s ass.” He asks the third guy “What about you?”. “Me? I prefer to see the top of her head.”...
24. Down in Florida, two widows were talking and one asked Down in Florida, two widows were talking and one asked the other, “Do you ever get to feeling horny?” “Yes,” her friend replied. “What do you do about it?” “I usually suck on a Lifesaver.” After a moment of stunned silence her friend asked, “Well, what beach do you go to?”...
25. Two guys are out hunting deer Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, “Did you see that?” The second guy says, “No.” “A bald eagle just flew over head.” “Oh.” A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, “Did you see that?” “No.” “There was a black bear walking on that hill over there.” “Oh.” A few […]...
26. A psychology student at a local university A psychology student at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital. The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis balls everywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered “When I get out of here I going to ba a tennis pro.” […]...
27. Two Polish guys went away on their annual hunting expedition Two Polish guys went away on their annual hunting expedition, and by accident one was shot by the other. His worried companion got him out of the deep woods, into the car, and off to the nearest hospital. “Well, Doc,” he inquired anxiously, “is he going to make it?” “It’s tough,” said the doctor. “He’d […]...
28. Значение идиомы upside down [upside down] {adv. phr.} Overturned so that the bottom is up andthe top is down. The ladybug lay upside down in the sand and wasunable to take off. The problem with this company is thateverything is upside down; we need a new C. E. O....
29. Three guys are in a plane, lost in fog Three guys are in a plane, lost in fog, and they don’t know where they are. The first guy says “I’ll find out” and puts his arm out the plane, then brings it back in and says “We’re just over Paris” “How do you know” ask the others “Well I’ve just felt the top of […]...
30. Little Mermaid Three fellows walking along the beach noticed a mermaid sitting on a rock swishing her tail in the foam. The first man waded out to her and said, Hello mermaid! Have you ever been kissed?” She replied, “no sir!” So he kissed her quite thoroughly and asked, “Did you like that?” “Oh, indeed I did, […]...
31. Dating Nice Guys and Bad Boys Jack: I’ve had it. I’m going to start Treating women like dirt. I’d get more dates. Alison: What brought this on? Jack: I Got dumped again by a woman who thinks I’m too nice – too nice! She says she wants to be with someone who’s more Assertive and Unpredictable. She didn’t say it In […]...
32. A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed, climbed into bed and generally got organized for a leg over. After a few minutes, the girl started laughing. The fellow asked her what she found so amusing. “Your organ,” she […]...
33. Значение идиомы pick over [pick over] {v.} To select the best of; look at and take what isgood from; choose from. She picked the apples over and threw outthe bad ones. We hurried to the big sale, but we were late andeverything had already been picked over....
34. Course of action One Friday afternoon, two secretaries were hanging around the water cooler at the office. “Veronica, I just don’t know what to do,” Gloria said to her friend at work. “That good-looking Alex in accounting asked me out on a date for Saturday night. Should I go?” “Oh, my God!” her friend exclaimed. “He’ll wine you, […]...
35. Two Polish guys are discussing one’s upcoming wedding Two Polish guys are discussing one’s upcoming wedding… “I’m not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not.” His buddy replies, “Oh, there’s an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one ball red and one ball blue. On your honeymoon, […]...
36. How to Keep an Idiot Entertained for Hours I once wrote a book called How to Keep an Idiot Entertained for Hours. It went like this: To keep an idiot entertained for hours, read the next sentence. To keep an idiot entertained for hours, read the previous sentence.” It didn’t sell very well. I thought with the short attention span of people these […]...
37. There was three guys, one with a rubber There was three guys, one with a rubber dick, one with a wooden dick, and one with a nine foot dick. The guy with the rubber dick couldn’t have sex because it wasn’t hard. The guy with the wooden dick couldn’t have sex because the other person would get splinters. Finally, the third guy with […]...
38. I get so drunk that I imagine things The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, “What do you have in there, pal?” “A mongoose.” “What for?” “Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I’m scared to death of snakes. […]...
39. Great roof A rather well proportioned young lady, Joan, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of the hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day but, on the second, being a naturist, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall […]...
40. A fortunate twist of fate Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises. “How do you account for this?” he asked the brothers. “It’s hereditary, sir,” the older one replied. “I see,” said the doctor, writing in his file. “Your […]...