One day Clinton goes to the bathroom

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1. Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton are sittingHillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton are sitting in a helicopter and Bill starts to think. He sits there for about 15 minutes and finally Hillary asks why he is looking so sad. He says, «I just was wondering what I could do for the poor countries.» «Well » says Chelsea, «you could throw ... Читать далее...
2. Clinton countryA guy is sitting at a bar and orders a drink. At the same time the TV go’s on and there is Bill Clinton about to give a speech. The man yells, «There’s a horses ass» A guy gets up and punches him.. And the man left.. Then when Hilary Clinton came on he said ... Читать далее...
3. Candidate Clinton vs President ClintonCandidate Bill Clinton: Cut taxes for middle class President Bill Clinton: Wants to raise them Candidate Bill Clinton: Vowed not to tamper with Social Security President Bill Clinton: Wants to tax more SS benefits Candidate Bill Clinton: Proposed energy tax cuts President Bill Clinton: Wants energy tax increases Candidate Bill Clinton: Claimed he had the ... Читать далее...
4. A man comes to a doctor andA man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering, finally manages to say, «Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem. Can you help me?» «Oh, that’s not a problem for us men anymore!» announces a proud physician, «They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, that does the trick! You ... Читать далее...
5. Перевод слова bathroomBathroom — ванная комната, уборная Перевод слова Bathroom fitment — сантехника hog the bathroom — занять надолго ванную и никого туда не пускать bathroom pod — санкабина The Bathroom is occupied. Ванная занята. The Bathroom’s a bit chilly. В ванной комнате прохладно. The Bathroom is up the stairs. Ванная комната вверх по лестнице. Происхождение слова ... Читать далее...
6. President Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball gamePresident Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball game of the season. At the start of the game the pitcher comes up in the stands and whispers something in Clinton’s ear. All of a sudden Clinton looks at Hillary and yells, «Okay, Hillary, GET OUT!». She looks surprised but leaves. The pitcher looks ... Читать далее...
7. Acronyms for ClintonClinton: (C)razed (L)ow-class (I)diot (N)ow (T)aking (O)ver (N)ation Clinton: (C)razy (L)iberal (I)ntent (O)n (N)eedlessly (T)rashing (O)ur (N)ation Clinton: (C)learly (L)oose (I)nternal (N)avigation (T)echniques (O)ccupy (N)ever-Neverland Clinton: (C)ompulsive (L)iar (I)s (N)ation’s (T)op (O)fficial (N)ow Clinton: (C)omplete (L)oser (I)n (N)ow (T)errorizing (O)ur (N)ation Hillary: (H)ighly (I)nexperienced (L)eft-liberal (A)cademic (R)ighteous (Y)uppies Gore: (G)ennifer’s (O)nly (R)emaining (E)nterprise Gore: (G)reatly ... Читать далее...
8. Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physicalHillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she’s pregnant! She is furious. Here just became the senator of New York and this has happened to her. She gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming: «How could you have let this happen? With all that’s going on ... Читать далее...
9. Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunchBill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton, «Are you ready to order?» Clinton replies, «Yes, I’d like a quickie.» «A quickie?!?» the waitress replies. «Sir, given the current situation of your personal life I don’t think that is ... Читать далее...
10. Bathroom controlOne day Pablo and Paco are riding through the desert on their horses. As they ride along, Pablo smells something horrible. He stops his horse and turns around. He says «Hey Paco, you shit your pants?» Paco says «No, Pablo, I did not shit my pants.» He believes him and they keep riding. As they ... Читать далее...
11. Bill Clinton’s haircutBefore his infamous haircut on the tarmac, Clinton asked his stylist Christophe, «How long will this take, how much will it cost, and how good will this look?» Christophe replied just ten minutes, cost $20, and look marvelous. An hour and fifteen minutes later, Clinton looked into the mirror in horror and Christophe handed him ... Читать далее...
12. Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells himSaddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him, «Bill, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful country, and on each house I saw a banner.» «What did it say on the banners?» Clinton asks. Saddam replies, «Allah is god, god is Allah.» Clinton says, «You know, Saddam, I ... Читать далее...
13. Clinton is in HeavenPresident Clinton died and knocked at the Pearly Gates. «Who goes there?» inquired St. Peter. «It’s me, Bill Clinton». «What bad things did you do on earth?» Clinton thought a bit and answered, «Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn’t hold that against me because I didn’t inhale. And I lied, but I didn’t commit ... Читать далее...
14. A husband emerged from the bathroom naked andA husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, «I have a headache.» «Perfect» her husband said. «I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository,… it’s up to you!»...
15. Clinton at the paradeThe May Day parade in Moscow is the largest, most important military parade of the year. For 1992’s parade, Yeltsin and Gorbachev invited Bill Clinton to come watch it with them. The parade commenced with a battalion of tanks, followed by a division of infantry, followed by armored personnel carriers and mobile artillery. They had ... Читать далее...
16. Clinton died and was standing at hte Pearly GatesClinton died and was standing at hte Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. «Who goes there?» inquired St. Peter. «‘It’s me, Bill Clinton.» «And what do you want?» asked St. Peter. «Lemme in!» replied Clinton. «Soooo,» pondered Peter. «What bad things did you do on earth?» Clinton thought a bit and ... Читать далее...
17. Mrs. Ogden went to her doctor and saidMrs. Ogden went to her doctor and said «Please give me a prescription for the Pill.» «I don’t think you need the Pill at your age.» «It relaxes me.» «But you know the ‘purpose’ of the Pill. It’s not for relaxing,» exclaimed the physician. «I know,» said Mrs Ogden, «but my daughter dates, and every ... Читать далее...
18. A man goes to the doctor with a long history ofA man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. «Listen,» says the Doctor, «I have migraines, too and the advice I’m going ... Читать далее...
19. Биография Билла Клинтона на английском языке. Biography of William Clinton / Bill ClintonDuring the administration of William Jefferson Clinton, the U. S. enjoyed more peace and economic well being than at any time in its history. He was the first Democratic president since Franklin D. Roosevelt to win a second term. He could point to the lowest unemployment rate in modern times, the lowest inflation in 30 ... Читать далее...
20. Bill Clinton Statue Committee1040 Waffle Street Little Rock, Arkansas 72208 Dear Friend; We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee for the raising of $5,000,000.00 for placing a statue of Bill Clinton in the Hall of Fame in Washington, D. C. This committee was in a quandary as to where to place the statue. It was ... Читать далее...
21. Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinnerSome time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his regular cook took ill and they had to get a replacement at short notice. The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby looking man named Jon. The President voiced his concerns to his chief of staff ... Читать далее...
22. Buying Bathroom SuppliesJan: We’re almost done. We just need to get some bathroom Supplies for Kimberly. Tim: Okay, here are some Towels, a Bathmat and a Bathroom scale. Don’t forget the cleaning supplies. She’ll need some Rubber gloves, Disinfectant, Bowl cleaner, and a Plunger. Jan: All right. We have all that. Where are you going? Tim: She’ll ... Читать далее...
23. Buying Bathroom SuppliesJan: We’re almost done. We just need to get some bathroom Supplies for Kimberly. Tim: Okay, here are some Towels, a Bathmat and a Bathroom scale. Don’t forget the cleaning supplies. She’ll need some Rubber gloves, Disinfectant, Bowl cleaner, and a Plunger. Jan: All right. We have all that. Where are you going? Tim: She’ll ... Читать далее...
24. Last minute requestsA man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, «Give it to me straight. How long have I got?» The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night. The man then said, «Call for my lawyer.» When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his ... Читать далее...
25. President Clinton, returning from a campaign stopPresident Clinton, returning from a campaign stop in Arkansas, is climbing the steps to board Air Force One. Under each arm he is carrying a souvenir of his trip — a live razorback. At the top of the jetway, he is met by the guard, a Marine sergeant, who issues a crisp salute. «I’d salute ... Читать далее...
26. This guy walks in to a bathroomThis guy walks in to a bathroom. There is a hole in the wall, and a sign that says «put your dick in here, we’ll do what your wife does for you». So the guy puts his dick in there, and they sew a button on it....
27. Little Harry walks in the bathroom and sees his mum withLittle Harry walks in the bathroom and sees his mum with no clothes on, standing in front of him, he looks up at her private parts he asks «What’s that mum? » His mum frozen tried to think what to say, finally she came up with the following, «That’s where your dad accidentially hit me ... Читать далее...
28. One day there were these three boys walking downOne day there were these three boys walking down the street, all of a sudden they heard a yell: ‘HELP! HELP!’ When the boys got to the noise they saw Bill Clinton in a lake drowning. The three boys saved him from drowning. Bill Clinton asks the first boy how he could ever repay him. ... Читать далее...
29. The wife of an older man is distraughtThe wife of an older man is distraught because her husband’s um… little sailor can’t salute anymore. She goes to her local doctor and explains the situation and the doctor just feels plain bad for her. The doc thinks for a little bit, turns to the woman and says, «listen, I don’t do this for ... Читать далее...
30. Prosecutor: Mr. Clinton, did you have an improper relationshipProsecutor: Mr. Clinton, did you have an improper relationship with Monica Lewinsky? Pres: Improper? … Ain’t nothing improper about that. That was one of the the sweetest interns I’ve ever had....
31. In light of the latest allegations against President ClintonIn light of the latest allegations against President Clinton, Woodward and Bernstein of Watergate fame are in negotiations with publishers to write a new book about the scandal. Working title: «All the President’s Women.»...
32. A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball rightA guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. He finally gets himself to the doctor. He says, «How bad is it doc? I’m going on my honeymoon next week and my fiance is still a virgin in every way.» ... Читать далее...
33. The definition of a phallic symbolThis girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks «Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says «you’re kidding..» Girl says «no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???» Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says «You see? This is a failic symbol!» Girl says «Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller»...
34. When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longerWhen the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted. But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist. While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, thought rare his condition could be corrected by minor surgery. The patient’s wife ... Читать далее...
35. Brand newA guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. He finally gets himself to the doctor. He says, «How bad is it doc? I’m going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin.» The doc said, ... Читать далее...
36. One day a priest went into a public bathroom to use the stallOne day a priest went into a public bathroom to use the stall. While he was on the toilet, he heard moaning coming from the stall next to him. He stood up to look over, and there was little Jimmy, sitting on the toilet masturbating. The priest was shocked. He told Jimmy that he knew ... Читать далее...
37. Перевод слова prescriptionPrescription — предписание, рецепт, рекомендация Перевод слова Prescription drug — лекарство, отпускаемое по рецепту improper prescription of medicines — неправильное назначение лекарства prescription of law — правовое предписание I have to pick up my Prescription. Мне необходимо забрать свой рецепт. Travellers must declare their Prescription drugs. Туристы должны декларировать сильнодействующие лекарства. He got a refill ... Читать далее...
38. An Unusual AilmentA man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off. The woman can’t believe what she just saw and decides she is hallucinating. A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again. He pulls out his wang and wipes the ... Читать далее...
39. Clinton is vacationingLast summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. On a venture one day, they stopped at a service station to fill up the car with gas. It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary’s high school love. They exchanged hellos, and went on their way. ... Читать далее...
40. This man got his prescription for ViagraThis man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, «I’ll be home in an hour.» «Perfect,» she replies. The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He ... Читать далее...