Jones is driving past the state mental hospital

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1. There was this man in a mental hospitalThere was this man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear to the wall and listen. The doctor would watch this guy do this day after day. So the doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. ... Читать далее...
2. John and David were both patients in a Mental hospitalJohn and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act. He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK. ... Читать далее...
3. A man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionistA man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionist if there is anybody in room 27. She goes and checks, and comes back to the phone, telling him No, the room is empty. «Good,» says the man. «That means I must have really escaped.»...
4. There was a costume party at a mental hospitalThere was a costume party at a mental hospital; the theme of the party was «war». The first person comes up onto the stage and says, «I’m an atomic bomb.» He gets his applause and steps down. The second person comes up and says, «I’m a hydrogen bomb.» Again, there’s applause and he steps down. ... Читать далее...
5. Chaim escapes from a mental hospitalChaim escapes from a mental hospital and goes to the train station. He gets on the train and is seated next to a business man. He asks the man, «Are you Jewish?» The man says, «No.» Joe apologizes. Ten minutes later, he asks, «You wouldn’t happen to be Jewish would you?» The man replies, «No!» ... Читать далее...
6. Перевод слова mentalMental — психический, умственный Перевод слова Mental defect — умственный дефект this mental disengagement — эта свобода ума mental disorder — психическое расстройство I made a Mental note of his name. Я отметил его имя в уме. His physical and Mental health had got worse. Его физическое и душевное здоровье ухудшилось. He was recommitted to ... Читать далее...
7. Перевод слова hospitalHospital — больница, госпиталь Перевод слова Mental hospital, hospital for the insane — психиатрическая больница hospital attendant — санитар больницы hospital bill — счет за лечение в больнице She works at Hospital. Она работает в больнице. Hurry them to the Hospital! Быстро отправьте их в больницу. She phoned the Hospital daily. Она звонила в больницу ... Читать далее...
8. Getting a Flat TireJaloliddin: What is that Thumping noise? Minisa: I don’t hear anything. Jaloliddin: I think you have a Flat tire. Minisa: The left Rear tire has a slow Leak, but I just Inflated it the last time I was at the Gas station, so I’m sure it’s fine. Jaloliddin: No, really, I think you need To ... Читать далее...
9. A psychology student at a local universityA psychology student at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital. The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis balls everywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered «When I get out of here I going to ba a tennis pro.» ... Читать далее...
10. What is the timeA man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting. Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence. Calling out to the patient, the man says, «Pardon me, sir, but do you ... Читать далее...
11. Jones came into the office an hour late for the third timeJones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. «What’s the story this time, Jones?» he asked sarcastically. «Let’s hear a good excuse for a change.» Jones sighed, «Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the ... Читать далее...
12. Jones is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has toJones is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad. The toilet in his room isn’t working, so he bolts down to use the lobby Men’s Room, but all of the stalls are occupied, so he runs back up to his room, and in desperation, he drops his ... Читать далее...
13. Passing an examThree patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years. The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking ... Читать далее...
14. Mr. Jones had hired a new secretaryMr. Jones had hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite. While taking dictation one morning, she noticed that his fly was open. Upon leaving the room she said, «Mr. Jones, your barracks door is open.» He was puzzled by her remark, but later that day he noticed that his zipper was ... Читать далее...
15. Значение идиомы mental telepathy[mental telepathy] {n. phr.} The passing of one person’s thoughtsto another without any discoverable talking or carrying of signalsbetween them. Mrs. Smith knew the moment her husband’s ship sank onthe other side of the world. It seems like a case of mentaltelepathy. Most or all men who practice mental telepathy on stagehave really trained themselves ... Читать далее...
16. Do this while drivingStrange and silly things to do while driving. We do not advise doing any of the below «things to do while driving», as all driving should be taken seriously. The below «things to do while driving» are simply here for entertainment purposes. Vary your vehicle’s speed inversely with the speed limit. Roll down your windows ... Читать далее...
17. Questioning Mental CompetencyClaire: What are you doing with all those law books? I thought you retired 20 years ago. Ray: I’m preparing for my Mental competency hearing. Claire: Mental competency hearing? But your mind is as Sharp as it has ever been. Ray: That’s not what my children think. They are going to court to prove my ... Читать далее...
18. A state-of-the-art watchA cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, «Is your date running late?» «No», he replies,»I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just ... Читать далее...
19. A state trooper pulled a car overA state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone. «I was only going 40!» the driver protested. «Not according to my radar,» the trooper said. «Yes, I was!» the man shouted back. «No you weren’t!» the trooper said. With that, the ... Читать далее...
20. Перевод слова tireTire — уставать, пресыщаться; шина Перевод слова Cross-country tire — шина повышенной проходимости tire deflation — спуск шины he tires very soon — он быстро утомляется to tire of the company — потерять интерес к этому обществу You will never Tire of looking at it. Тебе никогда не надоест смотреть на это. I punctured the ... Читать далее...
21. The modest man is in the hospital for a series of testThe modest man is in the hospital for a series of test. One of the last test has left his system upset. Upon making several false alarms to the bathroom he decided the latest was another. He completely filled his bed up with human waste and was embarrased beyond anything he could possibly face. Losing ... Читать далее...
22. Mental DisordersDr. Miao: At Berthiaume College, we take Mental health issues very seriously. That’s why we have so many mental health services on campus. Dean: Such as? Dr. Miao: Well, for example, there is a meeting tonight of our Support group for Anorexics and Bulimics. Tomorrow night, I’ll be speaking to a group of students about ... Читать далее...
23. Перевод слова stateState — состояние, положение; государственный Перевод слова State service — государственная служба state boundary — государственная граница state of decay — состояние упадка state of war — состояние войны Water exists in three States: liquid, gaseous, and solid. Вода существует в трех состояниях: жидком, газообразном и твердом. What a State you are in! В каком ... Читать далее...
24. Перевод слова pastPast — прошлое, минувший; мимо Перевод слова The crowd swept past — толпа пронеслась мимо the past generations — минувшие поколения in the past week — на прошлой неделе Don’t rake up the Past. Не стоит ворошить прошлое. The train whooshed Past us. Поезд с шумом пронесся мимо нас. Don’t drag my Past into this! ... Читать далее...
25. Driving home very drunkIt seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn’t walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before ... Читать далее...
26. Mrs. Jones is having her house paintedMrs. Jones is having her house painted, and her husband comes home from work and leans against the freshly painted wall. The next day, she says to the painter, «You wanna see where my husband put his hand last night?» He sighs and says, «Look, lady, I got a tough day’s work ahead of me. ... Читать далее...
27. Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinnerSome time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his regular cook took ill and they had to get a replacement at short notice. The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby looking man named Jon. The President voiced his concerns to his chief of staff ... Читать далее...
28. Parts of a HospitalJordan: Excuse me, my girlfriend was brought into the hospital about two hours ago, but I can’t find her. Admissions Clerk: Why was she brought into the hospital? Jordan: I’m not sure. I got a call from her coworker, but she didn’t give me any details. Admissions Clerk: If it weren’t an accident, then she ... Читать далее...
29. Go to the hospitalFour expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, «Congratulations sir, you’re the father of twins.» «What a coincidence!» the man said with some obvious pride. «I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.» The nurse returned in a ... Читать далее...
30. HEGSThe Doctor tells his patient that he has H-E-G-S «What’s that?», the patient asks. «It’s a combination of Herpes, Encephalitis, Gonorrhea and Syphyllis.» The patient wants to know if there’s a cure, to which the Doctor responds, «We have to keep you in a hospital room and feed you nothing but pancackes.» «Why only pancackes?», ... Читать далее...
31. Driving in Great Britain — Вождение в ВеликобританииWelcome to the free Tourist Information Line for visitors to Great Britain. For information on visas and immigration, please press one. For information on driving in Britain, please press two. For information on hotels, please press three. For information on public transport in Britain, please press four. To return to this menu at any time ... Читать далее...
32. Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy HospitalMr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. «Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,» said the nun, gently patting ... Читать далее...
33. A Lutheran minister is driving downA Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and he’s stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, «Sir, have you been drinking?» And the minister says, «Just water.» The ... Читать далее...
34. В больнице (At the hospital), лексика и слова по темеA medical centre – медицинский центр An outpatients department – поликлиника A university polyclinic – студенческая поликлиника A maternity home – родильный дом A reception – регистратура Surgery hours – часы приема A medical record – медкарта A health insurance certificate – медицинский полис A casualty ward – приемный покой A hospital ward – больничная ... Читать далее...
35. Juggler, driving to his next performanceJuggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. ‘What are those knives doing in your car?’ asked the officer. ‘I juggle them in my act.’ Oh yeah?’ says the cop. ‘Let’s see you do it.’ So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives. A guy driving by sees this and says, ... Читать далее...
36. The limousine was taking the beautiful raven-haired modelThe limousine was taking the beautiful raven-haired model to the airport. Halfway there, the front tire went flat. The model said, «Driver, I don’t have time to wait for road service. Can you change it yourself?» The driver said, «Sure.» He got out of the car and proceeded to change the tire, but couldn’t get ... Читать далее...
37. Construction Worker Hides Waldo On Site For Kids In Hospital Next DoorOne man is helping kids find a little joy. Jason Haney, a construction foreman, hides a life-size cutout he made of Where’s Waldo on site every day for kids who are staying at a hospital next door to find. «It’s just for the kids to get their minds off of things,»Haney told The Huffington Post. ... Читать далее...
38. The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospitalThe medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently with a massive heart attack. The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to ICU, where therapy continues. In a couple of days Mr. Steinberg’s physician comes into his room and says, «Sol, I’m happy ... Читать далее...
39. Значение идиомы drive one ape[drive one ape], [bananas], [crazy], [mad] or [nuts] {v. phr.}, {informal} To irritate, frustrate, or tickle someone’s fancy so badly that they think they are going insane. «Stop teasing me, Mary,» John said. «You are driving me nuts.» «You are driving me bananas with all your crazy riddles,» Steve said....
40. Steve Jobs’ Fruitarian Diet Lands Ashton Kutcher in the HospitalAshton Kutcher spent time in the hospital after going on one of Steve Jobs’ infamous fruitarian diets to prepare for a new role in a biopic featuring the late Apple CEO. Ashton Kutcher spent time in the hospital after going on one of Steve Jobs’ infamous fruitarian diets to prepare for a new role in ... Читать далее...