IMPORTANT NEWS TO ALL GUYS THAT GO OUT TO CLUBS OR BARS

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1. Three guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, oneThree guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, one is blind and the other appears normal. A couple of minutes later, God walks in to get a beer. He sees the guys and decides to have compassion on them. He touches the blind guy on the forehead, and his sight is restored. He ... Читать далее...
2. What marketing isNow I understand what marketing is: You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. You approach her and tell her: «I am very good in bed». That is Direct Marketing. You are at a party with a group of friends and you see a very pretty girl. One of your friends ... Читать далее...
3. Значение идиомы on the alert[on the alert] {adj. phr.} Alert; watchful; careful. Campersmust be on the alert for poison ivy and poison oak. Drivers mustbe on the alert for traffic signals. Compare: ON ONE’S TOES....
4. This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important toThis fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to ... Читать далее...
5. The Latest Breaking News on the GoodTimes VirusIt turns out that this so-called hoax virus is very dangerous after all. Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator’s coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all ... Читать далее...
6. College cafeteria jokeSeven friends once pulled this at my college cafeteria. One put a hot water bottle filled with pea soup down his chest; he sat at the head of a table, with the other six friends sitting along the sides. When the cafeteria was pretty full of people, he made a loud noise (to attract attention), ... Читать далее...
7. Three guys were sitting in a bar talkingThree guys were sitting in a bar talking. One was a Doctor, one was a Lawyer, and one was a Biker. After a sip of his martini, the doctor said; «You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I got my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedez. I figure that if she doesn’t like the ... Читать далее...
8. Перевод слова liquidLiquid — жидкость, жидкий, текучий Перевод слова Liquid body — жидкое вещество clear liquid — прозрачная жидкость liquid melody — плавная мелодия Water and milk are Liquids. Вода и молоко — жидкости. Pour the surplus of this Liquid immediately away. Немедленно вылей остаток этой жидкости. A substance passes from the solid to the Liquid state. ... Читать далее...
9. Three girls died and were brought to the gatesThree girls died and were brought to the gates of heaven. Upon entering the gate, they were halted by St. Peter and his obedient angel. St. Peter asked the girls, «Before entering you must answer this simple question.» «Which is…?», they replied in unison. «Have you been a good girl?», he asked the first girl. ... Читать далее...
10. Что важнее семья или друзья?/ What Is More Important Family Or Friends?На английском языке Перевод на русский язык What Is More Important Family Or Friends? Что важнее семья или друзья? Happiness consists of many components, including loving family and faithful friends. Both these social groups are very important for each person. Everyone needs support, love and attention. When we are happy, we need close people to ... Читать далее...
11. There was three guys, one with a rubberThere was three guys, one with a rubber dick, one with a wooden dick, and one with a nine foot dick. The guy with the rubber dick couldn’t have sex because it wasn’t hard. The guy with the wooden dick couldn’t have sex because the other person would get splinters. Finally, the third guy with ... Читать далее...
12. Перевод слова offerOffer — предлагать, выражать; предложение Перевод слова A job offer — предложение о найме to offer opinion — выражать мнение to offer a free pardon — обещать полное прощение He Offered to marry her. Он предложил ей выйти за него замуж. Can I Offer you something to drink? Могу ли я предложить вам что-нибудь выпить? ... Читать далее...
13. Virus AlertThere is a very dangerous virus going around and it is propogated through the email system. If you get an email message with the subject: «VIRUS ALERT!» do not open the mail message. If you do, the virus scrambles the second half of every text file on your system. VERY IMPORTANT: If you do get ... Читать далее...
14. Пословица / поговорка no news is good news — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: no news is good news Перевод: отсутствие вестей — хорошая весть Пример: Although the woman had not heard from her son for several weeks, she believed that no news is good news and she did not worry. Хотя женщина и не получала известий от своего сына несколько недель, она считала, что отсутствие ... Читать далее...
15. Giving sad news to a troopThe Captain called the Sergeant in. «Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones’ mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me.» So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. «Listen up, men,» says the Sergeant. «Johnson, report to the mess hall ... Читать далее...
16. Пословица / поговорка bad news travels fast / bad news has wings — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: bad news travels fast / bad news has wings Перевод: плохая молва на крыльях летит Эквивалент в русском языке: худые вести не лежат на месте Пример: Bad news travels fast and the man heard about the job layoffs a week before the official announcement. Плохая молва на крыльях летит, и мужчина услышал ... Читать далее...
17. Strange headline newsThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. A bird dropped a snake over a California power station, short-circuiting a line and causing a two-hour blackout. — — — — — — — — — — — — — — ... Читать далее...
18. Перевод слова messageMessage — сообщение, письмо; идея Перевод слова Clear message — ясное сообщение coded message — закодированное сообщение a book without a message — несерьезная книга Did you get my Message? Вам передали то, что я просил? I will bear your Message. Я передам вашу информацию. I texted a Message to her. Я написала ей сообщение. ... Читать далее...
19. These two guys had just gotten divorcesThese two guys had just gotten divorces and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again. They got up there and went into a trader’s ... Читать далее...
20. Перевод слова beerBeer — пиво Перевод слова Ginger beer — имбирное пиво to brew beer — варить пиво beer bust — пивное сборище I’d like a Beer now! Мне бы пива сейчас! He drank a jar of Beer. Он выпил банку пива. I’ll have a Beer, please. Мне пива, пожалуйста....
21. Перевод слова girlGirl — девочка, девушка Перевод слова Cool girl — клевая, классная девчонка eleven-year-old girl — одиннадцатилетняя девочка lovely girl — красивая девушка She is my best Girl. Она — моя возлюбленная. We had a little Girl. У нас была маленькая дочка. That Girl’s got class! Классная девчонка! Интересные факты Spice Girls — британская женская поп-группа, ... Читать далее...
22. Bad news and awful newsOne morning Bill Clinton wakes up. He looks out side, it had snowed during the night and everything was covered in snow. He looks down and sees something written in urine on the lawn it reads «I hope YoU GeT ImPeAcHeD». Bill calls the FBI and says «Someone has written «I hope you get impeached» ... Читать далее...
23. The bad news and the good newsHarry answers the telephone, and it’s an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, «Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for ... Читать далее...
24. Good news and bad newsThe McCartney kids are at the family ranch anxiously awaiting news of their mother. Paul emerges from his wife’s bedroom. «Kid’s……there’s good news and bad news.» «The bad news is your mother’s strength and will to live has been sucked away by her awful disease and she died a few moments ago» «The good news ... Читать далее...
25. Who keeps saying those thingsA man walked in to a bar after a long day at work. As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say seductively «You’ve got great hair!» The man looked around but couldn’t see where the voice was coming from, so he went back to his beer. A minute later, he heard ... Читать далее...
26. Good girls vs. Bad girlsGood girls loosen a few buttons when it’s hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons. Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it. Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines. Good girls blush during ... Читать далее...
27. Перевод слова drugDrug — медикамент, лекарство, наркотик Перевод слова Drug administration — применение лекарств drug plant — лекарственное растение to take drugs — принимать наркотики He has a Drug addiction. У него наркотическая зависимость. This Drug aggravates the pain. Этот препарат усиливает боль. The Drug should be taken orally. Препарат следует принимать внутрь....
28. A little girl was out with her GrandmotherA little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk. «What are they doing, Grandma?» asked the little girl. The grandmother was embarrased, so she said, «The dog on top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor.» They’re ... Читать далее...
29. A little girl came running into the house cryingA little girl came running into the house crying and miserable from a small cut she just received. She asked her mom for a glass of cider. «Why do you want cider?» asked Mom. «To take the pain away,» sobbed the little girl. Tired of all the tears, Mom poured her a glass. The little ... Читать далее...
30. To stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nailsTo stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nails, her mother tells her it’ll make her fat. «I won’t do it any more, Mom,» says the daughter. Next day they are out walking when they meet a very fat man. «If I bite my fingernails, I’ll be as fat as that, won’t I Mom?» ... Читать далее...
31. Sports is Important in Our Life — Спорт важен в нашей жизниSport is very important in our life. It is popular among young and old people. Many people do morning exercises, jog in the morning and train themselves in clubs, in different sections and take part in sport competitions. Other people like sports too, but they only watch sports games, listen to sports news. They prefer ... Читать далее...
32. A Girl Scout troop leaderA Girl Scout troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a young couple was engaged in oral sex. «Back ladies, back!» cried the leader. «There’s a very dangerous beast out there!» But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less seen the deed happening. They asked their leader what it was ... Читать далее...
33. Collection 04I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt I’ll think so. Man alive! But I wish you weren’t. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead. Is your ... Читать далее...
34. Important thoughts*Question: What is one horsepower? *Answer: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second. *You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don’t hear it you got hit, so never mind. *Talc is found on ... Читать далее...
35. This elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girlsThis elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girls from a local brothel, and as she passed by, she asked one girl what the lineup was for. the girl shrugged and said, jokingly, «cough drops» and snickered. Just then the cop approached the old gal and said, «What are you doing here, m’am?» ... Читать далее...
36. Значение идиомы behind bars[behind bars] {adv. phr.} In jail; in prison. He was a pickpocket and had spent many years behind bars. That boy is always in trouble and will end up behind bars....
37. The Seven Most Important Men in a Woman’s LifeThe Seven Most Important Men in a Woman’s Life The Doctor — who tells her to «take off all her clothes.» The Dentist — who tells her to «open wide.» The Milkman — who asks her «do you want it in the front or the back?» The Hairdresser — who asks her «do you want ... Читать далее...
38. Значение идиомы parallel bars[parallel bars] {n.} Two horizontal bars the same distance apart, that are a few feet above the floor of a gymnasium. The boysexercised on the parallel bars in the gym....
39. Важна ли для меня мода?/ Is Fashion Important For Me?На английском языке Перевод на русский язык Is Fashion Important For Me? Важна ли для меня мода? I fell in love with fashion, when I was a little girl. My mother had a very beautiful collection of dresses and shoes. I liked to go shopping with my mom, and buy clothes. The shopping centers were ... Читать далее...
40. This fellow dies and goes to heavenThis fellow dies and goes to heaven. God offers to answer three questions. Guy: «Why are girls so pretty?» God: «So you’ll like them.» Guy: «Why are girls soft?» God: «So you’ll like them.» Guy: «Why are girls so dumb?» God: «So they’ll like you.»...