From Boyfriend to Husband upgrade

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1. Mysterious pictureAfter a wonderful night of love making, the young guy rolled over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance. Naturally, the guy began to worry. «Is that your husband?» he inquired nervously. «No, silly,» she replied, snuggling up to him. «Your boyfriend then?» ... Читать далее...
2. A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good lookingA young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, «Stop making love down there!» «What’s the matter with you?» the husband said when the sailor climbed down. «We weren’t making love.» «Sorry,» said the sailor, «From ... Читать далее...
3. A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husbandA wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed with a lady midget. Upset and furious over his actions, the woman screams, «You promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on me again!» Trying his best to calm her down, the husband turns to his wife and says, ... Читать далее...
4. Перевод слова husbandHusband — муж Перевод слова Ex-husband, former husband — бывший муж henpecked husband — подкаблучник to leave one’s husband — оставить мужа My Husband doesn’t cook Мой муж не готовит. She lied to her Husband. Она солгала мужу. She cheats on her Husband. Она изменяет своему мужу....
5. After their love-making session the young bride asks her husbandAfter their love-making session the young bride asks her husband «Was making love to me really the same as making love to Marilyn Monroe?» «Yes, she’s dead to!»»Was making love to me really the same as making love to Marilyn Monroe?» «Yes, she’s dead to!»...
6. Husband always insisted on making loveHusband always insisted on making love in the dark. After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator. She goes balistic, «You impotent bas*ard! How could you lie to me all these years?» Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, «I’ll explain the toy, you explain the kids…..»...
7. Значение идиомы boyfriend[boyfriend] {n.}, {informal} 1. A male friend or companion. «John and his boyfriends have gone to the ball game,» said his mother. 2. A girl’s steady date, a woman’s favorite man friend; a male lover or sweetheart. Jane’s new boyfriend is a senior in high school. Contrast: GIRLFRIEND....
8. A wife was berating her husbandA wife was berating her husband. He motioned for her to quiet down saying, «Don’t unleash the beast in me.» The wife snickered and replied, «Unlike a lot of women, ‘dear’, I’m not the least bit afraid of a mouse.»...
9. A husband and wife were in their back yardA husband and wife were in their back yard, and he was noticing her expanding backside. He commented, «Boy, your ass is getting big. almost as big as the gas grill here.» She angrily stomped across the yard, and he followed saying, «Yep, that thing is getting huge.» At this, the wife retreated to the ... Читать далее...
10. All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husbandAll of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband. The husband was totally dumfounded and asks, «What was that for?» Wife said, «Because, you are a bad fuck». Couple of minutes later, the husband smacks his wife. This time, the wife was confused and asked, «And may I ask what’s that about?» Husband said, » ... Читать далее...
11. Перевод слова installInstall — устанавливать, монтировать; вводить в должность Перевод слова To install a priest — поставить в священники to install a lighting system — провести осветительную сеть to install a cable — прокладывать кабель They were temporarily Installed in the guest bedroom. Они были временно размещены в спальне для гостей. The program is a cinch to ... Читать далее...
12. An effective contraceptiveAfter having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough (they could not afford a larger double-wide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn’t want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called ... Читать далее...
13. A woman reported the disappearance of her husbandA woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer looked at the guy’s photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him. «Yes, please» she replied. «Tell him Mother didn’t come after all.»...
14. Перевод слова desperateDesperate — безнадежный, отчаянный Перевод слова Desperate attempt — отчаянная попытка desperate daring — безумная отвага desperate disease — неизлечимая болезнь I’m Desperate glad to see you. Я ужасно рад видеть тебя. The old lady was Desperate for money. Пожилая дама отчаянно нуждалась в деньгах. The road was Desperate bad. Дорога была ужасно плохая....
15. A bored woman says to her husbandA bored woman says to her husband as she clasps her hands together, «Guess what I have in here and you’ll get some loving tonite.» The equally bored husband, wishing to avoid any kind of sex at all replies, «An elephant». The wife sez «That’s close enough!»...
16. A husband and wife are on a nudist beachA husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly a wasp buzzes into the wife’s business end. Naturally enough, she panics. The husband is also quite shaken but manages to put a coat on her, pull up his shorts and carries her to the car. Then he makes a mad dash to the ... Читать далее...
17. A husband emerged from the bathroom naked andA husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, «I have a headache.» «Perfect» her husband said. «I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository,… it’s up to you!»...
18. A woman accompanied her husband to the doctors officeA woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and said, «If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die». 1.Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood. 2.At lunch time, make him a warm, ... Читать далее...
19. Appeals Court Orders Woman Who Hid $1.3 Million Lottery Jackpot From Estranged Husband to Give It to HimA woman who kept $1.3 million in lottery winnings secret from her estranged husband to avoid having to give him half in their divorce settlement will now have to turn over the whole pot to him, this district’s Court of Appeal ruled Friday. Denise Rossi must give up her entire lottery share under a Family ... Читать далее...
20. There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunkThere was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, «ATTENTION ALL» and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says» Excuse me, you just farted before my wife.» The drunks replies,» I’m sorry I ... Читать далее...
21. A jealous husband hires a private detectiveA jealous husband hires a private detective to check up on his wife. The husband tells the detective, he wants both a written account and as many videos of her in any kind of compromising situations as the man can get. Two weeks later the detective calls the man and tells him he has all ... Читать далее...
22. A henpecked husbandA henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. «You don’t have to let your wife bully you,» he said. «Go home and show her you’re the boss.» The husband decided to take the doctor’s advice. He went home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife’s face, and growled, «From now ... Читать далее...
23. Learning a New Operating SystemVanessa: [gasps] What happened to my computer overnight? This can’t be my computer. Reza: It is. The tech guys Installed a new Operating system on all of the computers after hours. Vanessa: But my Desktop looks completely different. Where is the Menu bar? I don’t know how to open any of my Applications. Reza: You’ll ... Читать далее...
24. Girlfriend Tech Support E-mailI am currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I’ve been having some problems lately. I’ve been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I’ve tried have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies won’t crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode ... Читать далее...
25. Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband wasSarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. «Listen to this,» she said. «There’s a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium.» «Hmmm,» her husband said, not looking up from his magazine. Teasing ... Читать далее...
26. Перевод слова unexpectedUnexpected — неожиданный, внезапный Перевод слова Unexpected death — внезапная смерть unexpected guest — нежданный гость unexpected shower — неожиданный дождь Danger comes from Unexpected places. Опасность появляется оттуда, откуда не ожидаешь. The Unexpected news fairly knocked me back. Неожиданная новость просто ошеломила меня. His father died Unexpectedly. Его отец умер внезапно. Происхождение слова unexpected ... Читать далее...
27. A husband and wife were out playing golfA husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in ... Читать далее...
28. Be afraid if you annoy this husbandA man and woman where on their honeymoon after a long and very happy courtship. On their honeymoon, they decide to take their horses through the beautiful mountain passes of Europe. As the horses were crossing a small stream, the woman’s horse mis-steps and jostles the man’s wife. Once across the stream, the man dismounts, ... Читать далее...
29. A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wifeA 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening and read’s: Dear Wife (that’s what he called her) I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary. When he arrived at the ... Читать далее...
30. Перевод слова supportSupport — поддержка, помощь, поддерживать Перевод слова To get no support — не получить поддержки to support an arch — поддерживать арку to support a family — содержать семью Which team do you Support? За какую команду вы болеете? I cannot Support even the idea of it. Я не могу выносить даже мысли об этом. ... Читать далее...
31. Corporate SponsorshipTravis: I don’t know how we’re going to keep our free sports program going without more Funding. As it is, we’re Strapped and I don’t know how we’re going to continue. Megumi: I know you’ve been Resistant in the past, but what about Corporate sponsorship? I’m sure we can find some businesses that want to ... Читать далее...
32. A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wifeA concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, «Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.» «Well,» the doctor replied, «go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say ... Читать далее...
33. The angry wife met her husband at the doorThe angry wife met her husband at the door. His breath stunk of alcohol and his face was plastered with lipstick. «I assume,» she barked, «there is a very good reason for you to come drifting in at six o’clock in the morning?» «There is!» he replied, «Breakfast.»...
34. On their wedding night the husband was so selfOn their wedding night the husband was so self — conscious about the smallness of his penis that before undressing, he snapped off the light. Once he was in bed, he unzipped his pants and handed his member to his bride. «That’s thoughtful, darling,» she cooed, «but we’ll need the light if you want to ... Читать далее...
35. Idiots on the computerAny time you feel dumb, don’t worry. Check out the following excerpts from a «Wall Street Journal» article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you. 1. Compaq is considering changing the command «Press Any Key» to «Press Return Key» because of the many calls asking where the «Any» key is. 2. AST ... Читать далее...
36. A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breastsA man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asks, «What are you doing?» She replies, «I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old.» The husband retorts, «Well, what did he say about your 50 year ... Читать далее...
37. Lorena Bobbitt had just cut off her husband’s penisLorena Bobbitt had just cut off her husband’s penis. She was driving down the road, wondering what to do with it, when the thought struck her to toss it out the window. The penis bounced off the windscreen of the car travelling in the opposite direction. «Shit,» said the driver to his passenger. «What kind ... Читать далее...
38. Перевод слова accountingAccounting — бухгалтерское дело, отчетность Перевод слова Accounting period — отчетный период; финансовый год accounting check — бухгалтерский контроль customer accounting — учет клиентов They send me an Accounting every month. Они присылают мне отчеты каждый месяц. Accounting clicks with his personality. Для человека с его характером профессия бухгалтера как раз то, что надо. The ... Читать далее...
39. Getting a Girlfriend/Boyfriend BackGrace: What are you doing? Yuji: I’m working on a plan To get April back. Grace: I think that’s a Lost cause. You guys Broke up three months ago. There’s no way she’ll Take you back. Yuji: Watch me Prove you wrong. When I tell April about all of the ways I’m going to change ... Читать далее...
40. Help the lonely childSandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if she was all ... Читать далее...