Don’t learn English – Не учи английский

Bad advice for school children.

Warning! This article can damage your mind.

The world is crazy about English! English is everywhere from morning till night! It’s like madness: you have to learn it even if you don’t want. You can’t escape it! English is so quick that other languages are not able to compete. It develops vocabulary and creates new words, it takes the words from other languages and adopts them, it invents and promotes new language trends… Winner language!

Decided! Tomorrow will be The Day without English. I ban myself to speak, to think, to sing, to read, to learn English. Decided!

Morning. The alarm-clock is ringing. Switch it off? Here is the button “MODE”. No, no English! “Don’t Halloo till You are out of the Wood”.

What’s new on TV? EURONEWS! No, English again! Another CHANNEL, VOLUME… Think positively! “The devil is not so black as he is painted”. OK. I am not upset.


They say it’s good to have chocolate for breakfast: it helps to think better and quicker. The day will be difficult…OK. No! MILKY WAY, SNEAKERS! CHIPS! SNACKS! Anyway,”There is no rose without a thorn”.

On the way to school. My classmates are near the school. “I have GOOGLED all the night”. Stop! English! “That site was BANNED yesterday!” Why do they all use English? “WEB, EMAIL, CHAT …”

The lesson of History. “REVOLUTION”… I`ve always considered this word to be of the Russian origin. But it turns out that it came from English “REVOLT”! Next page of the textbook: LENDLEASE! Well enough!

Thelesson of Economics. It’s impossible! I’ve tried to count English words used at the lesson. 80% came from English and sound English. DEVALUATION, CRISIS, TRUST, COMPANY, and so on…

Break. COOL, WOW, LOL! It’s too much! Much of English!

The lesson of Russian. My dreams come true. No English. Well, it`s not over… English is here and there. ESSAY, CORRECT, NEOLOGISMS, SUFFIX, DIALOGUE…


School canteen: CHOCO PIE, HOT DOG, COCA COLA… “The proof of the pudding is in the eating”.

On the way home. I try not to pay attention to the signs in the street. SALE, NO SMOKING, COFFEE HOUSE, INTERNET CAFE…”Every Dog has his

Day”… It’s a good idea to go to the hairdresser. They say it always helps to feel better in difficult situations. Let me see… Ouch! It’s impossible to escape even here: PRICE LIST, CREATIVE hairstyle. I`ve had enough! Why not “to call a spade a spade”.

My Home is My Castle. Here is the newspaper: BLOCKBASTER, THRILLER, TALK SHOW… No! Where is my iPod? DJ, TOP10, HIP HOP, SOUNDTRACK, REMIX…Every minute with English. No, every second.

Evening! My mother is so happy – she has got a BONUS and is planning summer TOUR. My friends are CHATTING. My younger brother “USES”, he is the best GAMER in his class. My father is planning how to use his CREDIT CARD to pay for the new BUMPER. And me?…

It’s time to do homework. Tomorrow – English lesson! I’m won! I’ve lost this battle. It’s great to know English! I am trying “To kick against the pricks”.

Nightmare. My experiment has failed completely. But somewhere at the deep inside of me there even appear annoying thoughts – if try again… and “To come off with flying colours”…

If you are planning to repeat my unique experiment you’d follow these bad pieces of advice.

If you don’t want to learn English DO NOT GO ANYWHERE! It is everywhere. Stay at home, forget about your friends, school, TV, books… You do become free of English and you do become ignorant, alone, dull… “Ivan the Fool”.If you don’t want to learn English DO NOT LISTEN TO MUSIC! It’s harmful. It develops your vocabulary, skills. Let your friends call you “white crow”.Don’t learn English if you want to be unsuccessful in life. It doesn’t matter that most of the scientific books and articles about the latest achievements are in English. It doesn’t matter that the most part of world speaks English.

Don’t learn English if you don’t want to travel. Stay in one place all your life. Why should you know about other cultures and people? People in the past travelled less, they didn’t know English. Let’s go back into the past. Don’t learn English if you don’t want to be a highly-paid specialist. The leading companies today require good level ofEnglish. Don’t surf the Internet! The language of the Internet is mostly English. Don’t learn English if you want to deprive yourself of the joys of life.

Of course, you’ve guessed my irony and humour, that was a joke. It’s impossible today not to learn English. It’s difficult. But “A Cat in Gloves Catches No Mice”. I wish You Success in learning this absolutely fantastic and incredible language! But don’t forget “where the shoe pinches”!

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Don’t learn English – Не учи английский