Dealing with criminals

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1. Now he’s in troubleA police officer had just pulled a car over. When he walked up to the car a man rolled down the window and said, «what’s the problem officer?» To which the policeman responded, «I stopped you for running that red light behind you.» Just then the man’s wife leaned forward from the driver’s seat and ... Читать далее...
2. On the occasion of their fiftieth wedding anniversary, Billy-BobOn the occasion of their fiftieth wedding anniversary, Billy-Bob decided to forego a big party and treat Linda-Sue to a memorable evening at home. Quietly filling the bathtub with champagne, he called her into the bathroom and they spent a sensual evening soaking in the tub by candlelight. When they were finished, Billy-Bob decided he ... Читать далее...
3. Перевод слова NovemberNovember — Ноябрь Перевод слова A bleak November evening — промозглый ноябрьский вечер towards the end of November — к концу ноября November days — ноябрьские дни Parliament assembled in November. Парламент собрался в ноябре. The term divides on November 9th. Серединой семестра считается 9 ноября. We’ll be here from now until November. Мы пробудем ... Читать далее...
4. Перевод слова acidAcid — кислота Перевод слова Acid looks — кислая мина acid green — ярко-зеленый lactic acid fermentation — молочнокислое брожение acid rain — кислотный дождь Acid attacks metals. Кислота разъедает металлы. I burned my skin with the Acid. Я обжегся кислотой. He juice of lemons yields citric Acid. Сок лимона содержит лимонную кислоту. Интересные факты ... Читать далее...
5. He is extremely drunkLate one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. «Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven ... Читать далее...
6. An offenseLate one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. «Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven ... Читать далее...
7. Missing personRecently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man. The wife said, «He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is ... Читать далее...
8. A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks himA policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, «Sir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?» The man gets really indignant and says, «Officer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed. ... Читать далее...
9. I think I try a nicer approachEvery night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let ... Читать далее...
10. Working ShiftsLisette: You’re the New kid on the block, aren’t you? Danny: Yeah, it’s my first day. Lisette: I’m Lisette. Danny: I’m Danny. Nice to meet you. Lisette: You’re lucky to be starting on the Day shift. When I started working here Umpteen years ago, I had to work the Graveyard shift for two years before ... Читать далее...
11. Arguing about the signA man was driving down a local street one day and approached a stop sign. He barely slowed down and ran right through the stop sign after glancing for traffic. What the driver didn’t know was that a policeman was watching the intersection. The policeman pulled out after him and stopped the car two blocks ... Читать далее...
12. Shortly after being assigned to a new base, a LieutenantShortly after being assigned to a new base, a Lieutenant and his wife were invited to the Colonel’s home for an evening of bridge. The Lieutenant was partnered with the Colonel’s wife and vice versa. After many hands, the Lieutenant excused himself to use the toilet, but accidentally left the door ajar. When the sound ... Читать далее...
13. Перевод слова fireworksFireworks — фейерверк, салют, яркое зрелище Перевод слова The fireworks of autumn leaves — удивительное зрелище осенних листьев let off fireworks — устраивать фейерверк model fireworks law — типовой закон о фейерверках The two teams took a lap of honour together to the accompaniment of Fireworks. Две команды совершили круг почета, сопровождаемый фейерверком. I heard ... Читать далее...
14. It’s not a big deal, but it feels goodA man comes home from work one day and he says to his wife: «Honey, I got a new secretary. And imagine what happened! She’s got a red and white bra. You know, these are the colors of my favorite football team. Anyway, it’s not a big deal but it feels good.» The next day ... Читать далее...
15. Перевод слова batteryBattery — батарея, аккумулятор Перевод слова Battery salvo — батарейный залп to charge a battery — заряжать аммумулятор quartz battery — кварцевая батарейка The Battery is dead. Батарея села. I bought new Batteries for the flashlights. Я купил новые батарейки для фонариков. The Battery is charging. Батарея сейчас заряжается. Примеры из жизни Надпись ‘battery charging’ ... Читать далее...
16. Dealing with troubleA deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The «disturbance» turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What’s more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too. Said the policeman, «I’ll bet that you’re also an escape artist-probably better than ... Читать далее...
17. Devil herselfA fellow’s wife was very worried about her husband’s heavy drinking and one night she decided to give him a fright. She draped herself in a white sheet and went down to the local cemetery, knowing that her husband was in the habit of taking a shortcut through it on his way home from the ... Читать далее...
18. Перевод слова policemanPoliceman — полицейский Перевод слова Duty policeman — дежурный полицейский military policeman — военный полицейский on-duty policeman — полицейский при исполнении служебных обязанностей plain-clothes policeman — переодетый полицейский The Policeman caught the thief. Полицейский задержал вора. The Policeman blew his whistle. Полицейский свистнул в свисток. The Policeman wore his badge proudly. Полицейский с гордостью носил ... Читать далее...
19. Wife-taming methodTwo married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, «You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. ... Читать далее...
20. Good advicesOLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don’t know. FOOL other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb. LOSE ... Читать далее...
21. Bum in need of foodOne afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. «Why are you eating grass?», he asked one man. «We don’t have any money for food.», The poor man replied. ... Читать далее...
22. It’s a sin«I’ve had it with my wife.» said the one drinking buddy to the other. «I’m filing for an divorce.» «Sorry to hear that pal.» said his partner. «May I ask why?» «I found her supply of birth control pills.» said the first. «Listen Frank, with all due respect to your religion, I just can’t see ... Читать далее...
23. For many years, the border between Poland and RussiaFor many years, the border between Poland and Russia was volatile. Due to a political shift, a farmer found that he was no longer a Russian, but had become a Pole. Thrilled, he told his Wife, «Thank God! No more of those freezing Russian winters.»...
24. True loveThree men were drinking at a bar — a doctor, an attorney and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, «For her birthday, I’m going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring. This way, if she doesn’t like the fur coat she will still love me ... Читать далее...
25. Better than SexA solider stationed in the South Pacific wrote to his wife in the States to please send him a harmonica to occupy his free time and keep his mind off of the local women. The wife complied and sent the best one she could find, along with several dozen lesson & music books. Rotated back ... Читать далее...
26. A catholic lithanyA man is struck by a bus on a busy street in in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. «A priest. Somebody get me a priest!» the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd—-no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind. «A ... Читать далее...
27. A wife begins to get a little worried becauseA wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until at 8 p. m. the husband finally pulls into the driveway. «What happened?» says the wife. «You should have been ... Читать далее...
28. Dealing With the PaparazziFredo: I feel like a Prisoner in my own home! I can’t step outside without the Paparazzi snapping pictures of me. They Stake out my house 24 hours a day. Amanda: I suppose that’s The price of fame. You do have the most popular podcast in the world. Fredo: But they’re such a Pain in ... Читать далее...
29. Перевод слова shiftShift — сдвиг, перемещение, перемена, смена Перевод слова Shift of wind — перемена ветра shift of crops — севооборот shift of stress — сдвиг ударения day shift — дневная смена I work Shifts. Я работаю посменно. Give me a hand to Shift these chairs. Помогите мне переставить эти стулья. Let`s Shift the date for our ... Читать далее...
30. A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversaryA man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, «When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?» The husband replied, «All I wanted to do ... Читать далее...
31. I was out with one of my best drinking buddiesI was out with one of my best drinking buddies, George, and he was talking about marriage, and then his wife. He drank some, then said, «Well, what it comes down to Jimmy, is… well… my wife knows nothing of my wants and needs… she’s hardly ever in the mood for sex… I guess what ... Читать далее...
32. Dealing with a Mass Transit StrikeMarge: Where have you been? You should have been home over two hours ago! Homer: I’ve been trying to get home. Haven’t you been watching the news? The transportation workers union has voted To strike. There was a Mass walkout at 4:30 p. m. today. Marge: You’re kidding! I didn’t know anything about it. They ... Читать далее...
33. A serious conditionA well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. «We need a fourth for poker,» said ... Читать далее...
34. Policemen in HeavenSt Peter is standing at heaven’s gate when a man walks up. «Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?» «I was a policeman,» he responded. «What kind of policeman?» St Peter asked. «I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids.» «Wonderful my son, ... Читать далее...
35. Marital SexWhile making love to his wife, Carl discovered he couldn’t enjoy it. Though they had been married only a few years, he relflectly unhappily, their love-making had become infrequent and bland. Then quite suddenly, alarmed, he said: «What happened, did I hurt you?» «Why no, not at all,» said his surprised wife. «Whatever made you ... Читать далее...
36. Some time after their bitter divorceSome time after their bitter divorce, a man happened to pull up alongside his ex-wife at a traffic signal. He shouted over, «So… out looking for a little, huh?» She smiled sweetly and said, «No, I had 6 years of that with you. I’m out looking for a lot!!!»...
37. Humor about St. Patrick’s DayPaddy was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. «What’s wrong, Seamus?» Paddy asked. «Well didn’t ya know, Paddy, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?» said Seamus. «Ah, praise the Almighty!» Paddy replied with relief. «I thought I’d ... Читать далее...
38. A mouse and a lion walk were in a barA mouse and a lion walk were in a bar, drinking a few beers when a giraffe walked in. «Get a load of her» said the mouse, «what a babe!» «Well, why not try your luck?» replied the lion. So the mouse went over to the giraffe and started talking to her. Within five minutes ... Читать далее...
39. Dealing with an Apartment SuperGeorge: Did you call the Super about fixing the leaky faucet? Louise: I called him on Monday, but I haven’t Heard back yet. George: Well, call him again. This window is stuck and it won’t close. Louise: I’ll call him, but I think he’s avoiding our calls. George: He’s the worst super we’ve ever had. ... Читать далее...
40. Some police quotes«The handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.» «If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.» «So, you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?» «Yes sir, you can talk to the shift ... Читать далее...