Bum in need of food

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1. A man was riding in the back of his limousineA man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. «Why are you eating grass?» he asked the man. «I don’t have any money for food,» the poor man replied. «Oh, please come ... Читать далее...
2. Reward for goodnessThree men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, «I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie….Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, ... Читать далее...
3. Значение идиомы side[side] See: CHOOSE UP SIDES, FROM SIDE TO SIDE, GET UP ON THE WRONGSIDE OF THE BED, GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THEFENCE or GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HILL, LAUGHON THE WRONG SIDE OF ONE’S MOUTH, ON ONE’S BAD SIDE, ON ONE’S GOODSIDE, ON THE ... Читать далее...
4. IndicatorA businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double scotch on the rocks. After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his shirt pocket, then he ordered another double scotch. After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and ordered another double scotch. Finally, the bartender ... Читать далее...
5. Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the roadLittle Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log. «My what big eyes you have, Mr Wolf», says Little Red Riding Hood. The wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again. This time ... Читать далее...
6. Stagecoach surpriseI had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left side of the stagecoach, and a riderless horse pulls up on the right. The man leans down, pulls open the door, and jumps off his horse into ... Читать далее...
7. England JokesQ: What’s the difference between England and a tea bag? A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer. — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — ... Читать далее...
8. TraditionsA man and a woman got married, and he told her : » since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for ... Читать далее...
9. A man was taking his wifeA man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless world-class practical joker, sitting at his bed side. He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, «Don’t worry, everybody ... Читать далее...
10. Пословица / поговорка grass is always greener on the other side of the fence / grass is greener on the other side — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: grass is always greener on the other side of the fence / grass is greener on the other side Перевод: хорошо там, где нас нет Пример: My cousin is always looking for a new job. For her the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Моя двоюродная сестра ... Читать далее...
11. Nothing but the truthA married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8.00 p. m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to ... Читать далее...
12. A man says to his wifeA man says to his wife, «Get ready you, me & the dog are going fishing.» Wife says, «I dont want to go.» Man gives her 3 choices, fishing, blow job or take it up the a*se. Wife pick blow job. After she sucking for a while she says, «It tastes like sh*t. Man says, ... Читать далее...
13. The DietBREAKFAST 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat toast 8 oz glass skim milk LUNCH 4 oz lean broiled chicken breast 1 cup steamed zucchini 1 Oreo cookie MID-AFTERNOON SNACK rest of the package of Oreo cookies 1 quart Rocky Road ice cream 1 jar hot fudge DINNER 2 loaves garlic bread 1 large pepperoni & ... Читать далее...
14. Значение идиомы side by side[side by side] {adv.} 1. One beside the other in a row. Alice’sdolls were lined up side by side on the window seat. Charles andJohn are neighbors; they live side by side on Elm Street. Compare:SHOULDER TO SHOULDER. 2. Close together. The two boys played sideby side all afternoon....
15. A man called the undertaker one afternoonA man called the undertaker one afternoon and sobbed: «Come and bury my wife.» «But I buried your wife ten years ago,» replied the undertaker. «I got married again,» the man sobbed. «Oh,» said the undertaker. «Congratulations.»...
16. Значение идиомы on the side[on the side] {adv. phr.}, {informal} 1. In addition to a mainthing, amount or quantity; extra. He ordered a hamburger withonions and French fries on the side. His job at the hospital didnot pay much, so he found another on the side. The cowboys in therodeo competed for prize money and also made bets on ... Читать далее...
17. An infamous stud with a long list of conquestsAn infamous stud with a long list of conquests walked into his neighborhood bar and ordered a drink. The bartender thought he looked worried and asked him if anything was wrong. «I’m scared out of my mind,» the stud replied. «Some pissed-off husband wrote to me and said he’d kill me if I didn’t stop ... Читать далее...
18. Перевод слова grassGrass — трава Перевод слова Blade of grass — стебелек травы, травинка to cut the grass — косить траву tender green grass — мягкая, только проклюнувшаяся травка We picnicked on the Grass. Мы устроили пикник на траве. Keep off the Grass. По газонам — не ходить! The Grass tickled her calves. Трава щекотала ее икры....
19. Missing personRecently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man. The wife said, «He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is ... Читать далее...
20. Значение идиомы grass is always greener on the other side of the fence[grass is always greener on the other side of the fence] or [grassis always greener on the other side of the hill] We are often notsatisfied and want to be somewhere else; a place that is far away ordifferent seems better than where we are. John is always changinghis job because the grass always looks ... Читать далее...
21. A wife begins to get a little worried becauseA wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until at 8 p. m. the husband finally pulls into the driveway. «What happened?» says the wife. «You should have been ... Читать далее...
22. A LIGHTER LOOK AT MARRIAGEGetting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, «Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?» The other replied, ... Читать далее...
23. Laboratory Rabbit FreedomLaboratory Rabbit Freedom A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. ‘Wow, this is great,’ ... Читать далее...
24. A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversaryA man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, «When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?» The husband replied, «All I wanted to do ... Читать далее...
25. Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroomLittle Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of fucking his wife. Johnny’s father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little ... Читать далее...
26. Значение идиомы other[other] See: EACH OTHER, EVERY OTHER, GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER ONTHE OTHER SIDE OF THE FENCE or GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHERSIDE OF THE HILL, GO IN ONE EAR AND OUT THE OTHER, LAUGH ON THE WRONGSIDE OF ONE’S MOUTH or LAUGH ON THE OTHER SIDE OF ONE’S MOUTH, ON THEOTHER HAND, OR ... Читать далее...
27. Eating Fast FoodMy friend Julia called me The other day. She wanted to Grab some lunch and asked me if I wanted to go to the local Fast food place down the street. I said sure, even though I knew it wouldn’t be good for me. I Hopped in my car and Swung by to pick her ... Читать далее...
28. A couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big nightA couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big night. The bride rolled over and said, «That was nice but tell me, what did my pussy look like before you rooted it?» The husband replied «Like a beautiful rose with drops of dew on it.» «That’s nice honey» she replied, «What did it look ... Читать далее...
29. A Jewish MotherHi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight? You’re going out? Yes. With whom? With a friend. I don’t know why you left your husband. He is such a good man. I didn’t leave him. He left me! You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies. I ... Читать далее...
30. As US tourists in IsraelAs US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. «America,» the husband replied. Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the ... Читать далее...
31. Some relativesA couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, «Relatives of yours?» «Yep,» the wife replied, «in-laws.»...
32. A college couple is under a tree on campus making outA college couple is under a tree on campus making out. After a while, the girl says, «I wish you had a flashlight.» He says, «Why’s that?» She says, «Because you’ve been eating grass for fifteen minutes.»...
33. Значение идиомы the tracks[the tracks] {n.} The line between the rich or fashionable part oftown and the poor or unfashionable part of town. The poor childrenknew they would not be welcome on the other side of the tracks. Mary’s mother did not want her to date Jack, because he came fromacross the tracks. — Often used in the ... Читать далее...
34. Значение идиомы hit the road[hit the road] {v. phr.}, {slang} 1. To become a wanderer; to livean idle life; become a tramp or hobo. When Jack’s wife left him, hefelt a desire to travel, so he hit the road. 2. To leave, especiallyin a car. It is getting late, so I guess we will hit the road forhome. He ... Читать далее...
35. Drinking too muchA man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket, and ordered a double scotch. A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time, until after looking into his pocket, he told the bartender that he’s had enough. The bartender ... Читать далее...
36. Beep-beepThe eighty-eight-year-old millionaire married an eighteen-year — old country girl. He was quite content, but after a few weeks she told him that she was going to leave him if she didn’t get some loving real soon. He had his chauffeured limousine take him to a high-priced specialist who studied him and then gave him ... Читать далее...
37. A long-haired youth was hitchhiking through the deep SouthA long-haired youth was hitchhiking through the deep South. He got a ride from a mean-looking redneck trucker. After riding about 30 miles in silence, the youth finally said, «Well, aren’t you going to ask me?» «Ask you what?» replied the trucker. «If I’m a boy or a girl,» answered the youth. «Don’t matter,» replied ... Читать далее...
38. Earn it hikingA father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a very fancy new 10 speed bike. «Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300.» «Easy, Dad,» the boy replied. «I earned it hiking.» «Come on,» the father said. «Tell me the truth.» «That is ... Читать далее...
39. Фаст фуд/ Fast FoodНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык Fast Food Фаст фуд Modern life runs so quickly that people often don’t have enough time to eat. And most certainly they get little time for cooking. Lots of people think that fast food is the best solution in this situation. That’s why fast-food chains have become so ... Читать далее...
40. In case of emergencyA car breaks down along the expressway one day, so the driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the highway. He jumps out of the car, opens the trunk, and pulls out two men in trench coats. The men stand behind the car, open up their coats and start exposing themselves to the oncoming ... Читать далее...