Beware of IRS
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000.00 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, “I’d like to try the bet.” After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1,000.00, and asked the little man, “what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or what?” The man replied, “I work for the IRS.”
Related topics:
- Перевод слова squeeze Squeeze – сжатие, теснота; сжимать, сдавливать Перевод слова It was a tight squeeze – было очень тесно to squeeze one’s finger – прищемить палец to squeeze an orange – выжимать сок из апельсина He Squeezed my hand. Он крепко пожал мне руку. We Squeezed through the crowd. Мы протиснулись сквозь толпу. Squeeze a bit of […]...
- Перевод слова juice Juice – сок Перевод слова Juice extractor – соковыжималка digestive juice – желудочный сок freshly squeezed orange juice – свежевыжатый апельсиновый сок She has no Juice left. Она совсем без сил. Add lemon Juice if desired. Добавьте лимонный сок по желанию. Juice oozed out of the plum. Сок, выделяемый из сливы. rel=”nofollow”>...
- Tarantino This guy comes into a bar walks to the bartender and says” Bartender, I got a bet for you. I’ll bet you $300 that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a drop.” The bartender looks at the glass. It’s 3 meters away. He says……”You’re telling me you’ll bet me $300 […]...
- I bet I can bite both of my eyes A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says, “I’ll bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye.” The bartender accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass […]...
- Bet made at the local bar A man walks into a bar, and as he makes his way to the counter, he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. As he finishes with each group of people, they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window, looking in. Finally, the bar is empty except for this guy […]...
- Перевод слова laughter Laughter – смех Перевод слова Homeric laughter – гомерический хохот peals of laughter – взрывы смеха to burst into laughter – расхохотаться He wobbled with Laughter. Он трясся от смеха. Mary pealed with Laughter. Мэри громко расхохоталась. Laughter rippled over the audience. По залу прокатился смех....
- Beware of dog! Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. He asked the store manager, “Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?” “Yep, that’s him,” […]...
- A bartender was getting ready to close for the night A bartender was getting ready to close for the night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to the bartender, “This is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!” The scared bartender pleads, “Don’t shoot, please! I’ll do as you say!” The robber yells, “Shut […]...
- The wife is not speaking to me One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried. “What’s the matter?” the bartender asks. “My wife and I got into a fight,” explained the guy “and now she isn’t talking to me for a […]...
- A guy in a bar The bartender asks him “What’ll you have?”. The guy answers, “A scotch, please”. The bartender hands him the drink, and says “That’ll be five dollars”, to which he replies “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this”. A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, “You […]...
- College dining halls This reminds me of a similar stunt we used to enjoy at the dining hall in my undergrad days. The food service used opaque plastic salt and pepper shakers with pop-off tops that could be pried off with a knife blade if you were persistent enough. PREPARATION (in a restroom nearby): (1) Empty salt ( […]...
- I don’t owe anything for this drink The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, “What’ll you have?” The guy answers, “A scotch, please.” The bartender hands him the drink, and says “That’ll be five dollars,” to which the guy replies, “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this.” A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, […]...
- He is a very fast drinker A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, “What’ll it be buddy?” The man says, “Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles.” The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and […]...
- The story of a very short man A man walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me two shots.” Bartender says, “You want them both now or one at a time?” The guy says,” Oh, I want them both now. One’s for me and one’s for this little guy here,” and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his […]...
- A man walked into the bar and there was a gorilla A man walked into the bar and there was a gorilla sitting on a barstool. The man asked the bartender what the gorilla was doing in the bar so the bartender showed him. He took out a bat and hit the gorilla over the head with it. The animal instantly dropped down and gave the […]...
- Free drinks for everyone One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: “Drinks for all on me including you, bartender.” So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: “That will be $36.50 please.” The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out. The next […]...
- The fruit cake recipie You’ll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky. Sample the whisky to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the […]...
- Breakfast was my idea It was George the Mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his […]...
- Значение идиомы heavy-handed [heavy-handed] {adj.} 1. Not skillful or graceful; clumsy. George is heavy-handed and seldom catches the ball. My sisterplays the piano badly; she is too heavy-handed. Tim told aheavy-handed joke about the principal’s baldness that embarrassedeveryone. 2. Likely to hit or punish hard; harsh or cruel in making obey. Years ago many fathers were heavy-handed bosses […]...
- Christmas Cookie Ingredients 1 cup water 1 tsp. baking soda 1 cup sugar 1 tsp. salt 1 cup brown sugar lemon juice 4 large eggs 1 cup nuts 2 cups dried fruit 1 bottle Absolute vodka Sample the Absolute to check quality. Take a large bowl. Check the Absolute again, to be sure it is of the highest […]...
- Значение идиомы main squeeze [main squeeze] {n.}, {slang} 1. The top ranking person in anorganization or in a neighborhood; an important person, such as one’sboss. Mr. Bronchard is the main squeeze in this office. 2. The topperson in charge of an illegal operation, such as drug sales, etc. Before we can clean up this part of town, we must […]...
- You can’t bring that dog in this bar A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says “You can’t bring that dog in here!” The guy, without missing a beat, says “This is my seeing-eye dog.” “Oh man, ” the bartender says, “I’m sorry, here, the first one’s on […]...
- Значение идиомы squeeze out of [squeeze out of] {v. phr.} To apply pressure to someone in order toobtain what one desires. The police were interrogating the suspectto squeeze information out of him....
- Перевод идиомы canned laughter / fake laughter / laughter track / laugh track, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: canned laughter / fake laughter / laughter track / laugh track Перевод: закадровый смех, записанный на пленку смех (обычно вставляемый в разные телевизионные передачи) Пример: It was obviously a canned laughter and not a real one. Очевидно, это был записанный заранее смех, а не настоящий....
- Beware of drunken bears The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. LOS ANGELES TIMES, October 8: People of northwestern Montana have been advised to be on the lookout for drunken bears. Black bears and grizzlies have been congregating along the tracks of the […]...
- Drunk orders himself a beer A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink – he could […]...
- Humor about the Irish An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman each order a Guiness in a pub. Upon being served, each finds a fly in their beer. Repulsed, the Englishman sends his back. The Scotsman gently flicks the fly out of his mug and begins drinking. The Irishman, carefully lifts the fly up by its wings and screams, […]...
- Перевод сленгового выражения lemon, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: lemon Перевод: неработающая вещь, развалюха; халтура Пример: Their new car turned out to be a lemon. Их новая машина оказалась развалюхой....
- Too good to be true A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender “Do you serve lawyers here?” “Sure do,” replied the bartender. “Good,” said the customer, “Give me a beer, and I’ll have a lawyer for my gator.”...
- Значение идиомы tight squeeze [tight squeeze] {n. phr.} A difficult situation; financialtroubles. The Browns aren’t going out to dinner these days; theyare in a tight squeeze....
- Значение идиомы canned laughter [canned laughter] {n.}, {informal} The sounds of laughter heard on certain television programs that were obviously not recorded in front of a live audience and are played for the benefit of the audience from a stereo track to underscore the funny points. “How can there be an audience in this show when it is taking […]...
- I trust you that you paid A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is donem the bartender tells him he owes $9.00. “But I paid, don’t you remember?” says the customer. “Okay,” says the bartender, “If you said you paid, you did.” The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees […]...
- Значение идиомы set one’s teeth on edge [set one’s teeth on edge] {v. phr.} 1. To have a sharp sour tastethat makes you rub your teeth together. The lemon juice set myteeth on edge. 2. To make one feel nervous or annoyed. She looksso mean that her face sets my teeth on edge....
- Перевод слова remains Remains – остатки, руины, развалины Перевод слова The remains of a meal – остатки трапезы remains of a wreck – обломки крушения the remains of ancient Rome – развалины древнего Рима The cubs will share the Remains of the kill. Детеныши разделят остатки добычи между собой. Chalk is formed of the broken Remains of minute […]...
- Значение идиомы ham-handed [ham-handed] {adj.}, {slang} 1. Having very large hands. Pete isa big, ham-handed man who used to be a football player. 2. See:HEAVY-HANDED....
- Перевод сленгового выражения juice, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: juice Перевод: 1. электричество; топливо 2. энергия, сила 3. стероиды, анаболики Пример: After that storm the juice in these houses is off. После шторма в этих домах нет электричества. I’m out of juice after that five mile run. После того, как я пробежал эти пять миль, у меня совсем нет сил. It has […]...
- A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by the Maitre’d that there will be at least a twenty minute wait. “Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir?”, he says. The man goes into the bar and the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The man replies, “Give me a Stoli with […]...
- A glass of water Tell someone you can pin a glass of water to the wall – a real glass, not a paper cup, using an ordinary straight pin. Naturally they won’t believe, so you set out to prove it. Get a glass of water and a pin. Hold the glass up to the wall and start to pin […]...
- 5 drinks A well dressed gentlemen enters the bar of a five star restaurant, sits at the bar and orders four very expensive drinks. The bartender serves them on a silver tray, setting all four in front of the patron. The man then consumes all four drinks in a matter of seconds. The bartender comments, “Wow, you […]...
- An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would […]...