An old bloke in the Northern Territory was showing

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1. Two men went to the desert for a vacation Two men went to the desert for a vacation. They rented a camel and headed out. Five days later they came back but without the camel. The man who had rented them the camel was very upset and screamed, “Where is my camel?” They replied, “Well, we were riding along when we kept hearing people […]...
2. A bloke wakes up in the middle of the night A bloke wakes up in the middle of the night and rolls over and shoves an aspirin down his wife’s throat. All of a sudden she wakes up and yells, “What the fuck are you doing?” “Just giving you an aspirin for your headache.” The bloke answered. “But I ain’t got a headache,” she yelled […]...
3. This bloke went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous This bloke went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar, he asked her to dance. She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one. While they were cheek to cheek, the guy said, “You really smell terrific. What’s that you have on?” The flattered […]...
4. Перевод сленгового выражения bloke, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: bloke Сленговое выражение: bloke Перевод: парень, малый Пример: There’s some bloke asking for you. Тебя тут спрашивает какой-то малый....
5. As US tourists in Israel As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. “America,” the husband replied. Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the […]...
6. Bloke is drinking at a pub Bloke is drinking at a pub and after a few rounds goes to leave, explaining to the barman he has to go home to do a shit. “Don’t be stupid,” says the barman, “We’ve got a perfectly good toilet here!” “Yes,” explains the drinker, “but I take salts.” “So what??!! That doesn’t matter – you […]...
7. Перевод слова northern Northern – северный, арктический Перевод слова Northern lights – северное сияние a northern hardship bonus – северный коэффициент northern celestial hemisphere – северная небесная полусфера Northern Hemisphere – Северное полушарие The smelt inhabits the seas of the Northern parts of Europe. Корюшка водится в морях северной части Европы. The poet’s home was in a Northern […]...
8. A lusty camel A man rented a camel to make a trip to an important customer out in the desert. There was only one camel available, and it had one little problem, the guy told him. Periodically, this camel would stop and refuse to move until somebody beat it off. The man is desperate, so he decides he […]...
9. Camel Died Camel Died A nun and a priest are riding a camel through the dessert. After a few days the camel falls over dead. After looking over the situation the priest figures neither one of them will survive the rest of the journey. The priest asks the nun “I have never seen a woman’s breasts, and […]...
10. Two mates are having a chat over a beer Two mates are having a chat over a beer. “Do you like sheilas with bad body odour and bad breath?” one bloke asks his friend. “No way!” his mate replies. “Well,” says the first bloke, “do you like pussies you could hide a watermelon in?” “Fuck no!” his mate replies. “Well,” says the first bloke, […]...
11. A young bloke has started work on a property A young bloke has started work on a property, and the boss sends him up the back paddocks to do some fencing work, but come evening he’s half an hour late. The boss gets on the CB radio to check if he’s all right. “I’ve got a problem, Boss. I’m stuck ‘ere. I’ve hit a […]...
12. There were three Eskimos in Alaska There were three Eskimos in Alaska, and one time while they were at their local bar, they got to talking about how cold it was outside, and how cold their igloos were. They could agree on everything but whose igloo was the coldest, so they decided to determine who, indeed, had the coldest igloo. They […]...
13. The first time I went to a drug store to buy condoms The first time I went to a drug store to buy condoms, I was waited on by a beautiful young woman. She asked what size I wanted and I said I wasn’t sure. So she asked now big I was and I said, “Compared to what?” She held up one finger and asked if I […]...
14. Перевод идиомы come with the territory / go with the territory, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: come with the territory / go with the territory Перевод: что-либо ожидаемое, учитывая обстоятельства; что-либо, что нужно принять как часть чего-либо другого, даже если это что-либо неприятное Пример: The fact that the man has no free time comes with the territory with his work as a news reporter. То, что у этого человека нет […]...
15. The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland Great Britain lies on the Atlantic coast of Western Europe, separated from France by only 34 km of water. It is made up of three countries, England, Scotland and Wales. Great Britain with Northern Ireland forms the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. The capital of the United Kingdom is London, in England. […]...
16. I have a question A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, “How does this boat float? The father replied, “Don’t rightly know son.” A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, “How do fish […]...
17. Перевод слова camel Camel – верблюд Перевод слова One-humped camel – одногорбый верблюд hump of a camel – горб верблюда camel-bird – страус break the camel’s back – переполнить чашу терпения Did you ever ride a Camel? Вы когда-нибудь катались на верблюде? The Camel is specially adapted to its hostile desert habitat. Верблюд адаптирован для враждебной среды обитания […]...
18. Northern Ireland (2) Northern Ireland, also known as Ulster, is still a part of the United Kingdom. It is made up of six countries: Antrim, Armagh, Down, Fermanagh, Londonderry, Tyrone. One third of the population lives in and around the capital, Belfast. Belfast is also the most important port and commercial and industrial centre. Some parts of the […]...
19. An Other one Three old guys are out walking. First one says, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’ Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’ Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer.’ A man was telling his neighbor, ‘I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s […]...
20. Little Mermaid Three fellows walking along the beach noticed a mermaid sitting on a rock swishing her tail in the foam. The first man waded out to her and said, Hello mermaid! Have you ever been kissed?” She replied, “no sir!” So he kissed her quite thoroughly and asked, “Did you like that?” “Oh, indeed I did, […]...
21. Clinton died and was standing at hte Pearly Gates Clinton died and was standing at hte Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. “Who goes there?” inquired St. Peter. “‘It’s me, Bill Clinton.” “And what do you want?” asked St. Peter. “Lemme in!” replied Clinton. “Soooo,” pondered Peter. “What bad things did you do on earth?” Clinton thought a bit and […]...
22. Значение идиомы breath [breath] See: CATCH ONE’S BREATH, DRAW A LONG BREATH or TAKE A LONG BREATH, HOLD ONE’S BREATH, IN THE SAME BREATH, OUT OF BREATH, SAVE ONE’S BREATH, SECOND WIND also SECOND BREATH, TAKE ONE’S BREATH AWAY, UNDER ONE’S BREATH, WASTE ONE’S BREATH....
23. There were these three blokes sitting on the high cliffs There were these three blokes sitting on the high cliffs of a lonely beach, with a rope going down into the surf and a Chinaman frantically trying to climb up. While they were sitting there a Priest walks along, looks over and says, “God bless you children, that’s Christianity at work. May the lord bless […]...
24. One doc operated on a person for a hernia One doc operated on a person for a hernia. He opened his testis and took the balls out and kept it on the table. At the end of the operation he wanted to put his balls back into the pouch of testis. He searched operation theatre but could not find the balls of the patient. […]...
25. The Pentagon decided one day that there were to many The Pentagon decided one day that there were to many Generals, so they decided to offer early retirement to three of them. They called Congress and asked them to vote on a method of determining each General’s early retirement bonus. After voting Congress decided that each man would choose two points of their body to […]...
26. Five fingers A beautiful young woman marries this seventy year old bloke for his money. On their wedding night she joyfully jumps into bed and he holds up five fingers. “Oh darling!” she squeals with delight, Does that mean five times?” “No”, says the old fellow, “it means that you can pick one out.”...
27. A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed, climbed into bed and generally got organized for a leg over. After a few minutes, the girl started laughing. The fellow asked her what she found so amusing. “Your organ,” she […]...
28. Being hurt A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn’t comfortable with that. So the wife went on the ride by herself. The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband’s feet. […]...
29. PUPPY LOVE A man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating. The little boy asked his Dad what was happening. The Father replied, “Well, son, they’re making a puppy.” The following evening, the little boy was thirsty, so he went from his bed to get a glass of water. Not being […]...
30. Значение идиомы draw a long breath [draw a long breath] or [take a long breath] {v. phr.} To breathe deeply when getting ready to speak or act. Father asked who broke the window. Jim drew a long breath and admitted that he had done it. The salesman took a long breath and started his talk....
31. Safe to swim here While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,”Are there any gators around here?!” “Naw,” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!” “Feeling […]...
32. Northern Ireland Northern Ireland, integral part of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, situated in the northeastern portion of the island of Ireland. Northern Ireland is bounded on the north and northeast by the North Channel, on the southeast by the Irish Sea, and on the south and west by the Republic of Ireland. […]...
33. Where are the fingers? Jon’s working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He goes to the emergency room. The doctor says, “Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I’ll see what I can do.” Jon says, “I haven’t got the fingers.” The doctor says, “What do […]...
34. Spain Jokes Spanish dining An American tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the specialty of the house. When his dinner arrives, he asks the waiter what it is. “These, senor,” replied the waiter in broken English, “are the arms of the bull killed in the ring today.” The tourist swallowed hard but tasted the […]...
35. IBM Memo about Peripheral Replacement IBM Memo about Peripheral Replacement This is an actual alert to IBM Field Engineers that went out to all IBM Branch Offices. The person who wrote it was very serious. The rest of us may find it rather funny. Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit) Mouse balls are now available as FRU. […]...
36. Перевод слова tourist Tourist – турист Перевод слова Tourist-class passenger – пассажир туристического класса tourist season – туристический сезон tourist visa – туристическая виза The museums attract a lot of Tourists. Музеи привлекают множество туристов. The Tourist had a foreign accent. Турист говорил с иностранным акцентом. We specialize in catering for Tourist bus tours. Мы специализируемся на обслуживании […]...
37. Balls Once man came to doctor and said to him that his balls don’t work. doctor implanted to him one iron and one wooden ball. in some years they meet in the street and doctor asked him. ooo how are your balls working? the man: they work perfectly. I have 2 boys-one’s name is Robocob and […]...
38. Bill Clinton Statue Committee 1040 Waffle Street Little Rock, Arkansas 72208 Dear Friend; We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee for the raising of $5,000,000.00 for placing a statue of Bill Clinton in the Hall of Fame in Washington, D. C. This committee was in a quandary as to where to place the statue. It was […]...
39. Перевод слова hurt Hurt – страдание, боль, повреждение, обида Перевод слова To hurt slightly – слегка ушибить to hurt for money – испытывать нужду в деньгах to hurt smb.’s pride – нанести удар по чьему-л. самолюбию I have Hurt myself. Я ушибся. I didn’t mean to Hurt him, honest! Я не хотел его обидеть. Where does it Hurt? […]...
40. A tourist, visiting a small town in Israel A tourist, visiting a small town in Israel, came upon a statue dedicated to “The Unknown Soldier”. At the base of the statue, a sign was displayed: “Here lies Seymour Ruthenberg”. The tourist inquired of one of the locals how was it possible an unknown had a name. The resident replied, “As a soldier, that […]...