After a long pubcrawl

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1. Albert arrives at a party and introduces himself to Albert arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, “What is your IQ?” to which the man answers, “241.” “That is wonderful!,” says Albert. “We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!” Next Albert introduces himself […]...
2. Buying some golf balls A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning. Finally the pro askes her what she wants. “I can’t find any green golf balls,” the blonde golfer complains. The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are […]...
3. Little Johny being literal Teacher asks the children to discuss what their Dad’s do for a living. Little Mary says: “My Dad is a lawyer. He puts the bad guys in jail.” Little Jack says: “My Dad is a doctor. He makes all the sick people better.” All the kids in the class had their turn except Little Johnny. […]...
4. Перевод слова conclusion Conclusion – вывод, умозаключение Перевод слова In conclusion – в заключение to bring to a conclusion – довести до конца, завершить to draw a conclusion – делать вывод In Conclusion I want to say… в заключение я хочу сказать… They haven’t yet arrived at a Conclusion. Они еще не пришли к выводу. It’s important not […]...
5. Значение идиомы search one’s heart [search one’s heart] or [search one’s soul] {v. phr.}, {formal} Tostudy your reasons and acts; try to discover if you have been fair andhonest. The teacher searched his heart trying to decide if he hadbeen unfair in failing Tom. – [heart-searching] or [soul-searching]{n.} or {adj.} After much heart-searching, Jean told Beth she wassorry for the […]...
6. Значение идиомы ask for the moon [ask for the moon] or [cry for the moon] {v. phr.} To want something that you cannot reach or have; try for the impossible. John asked his mother for a hundred dollars today. He’s always asking for the moon. Compare: PROMISE THE MOON....
7. Значение идиомы dark of the moon [dark of the moon] {n. phr.}, {literary} A time when the moon is not shining or cannot be seen. It was the dark of the moon when the scouts reached camp and they had to use flashlights to find their tents. Contrast: FULL OF THE MOON....
8. Перевод слова moon Moon – луна Перевод слова Full-faced moon – полная луна half moon – половина луны, полумесяц harvest moon – полнолуние, ближайшее к дню осеннего равноденствия The Moon wanes. Луна убывает. The Moon is fulling now. Луна приближается к полнолунию. Jupiter has sixteen Moons У Юпитера шестнадцать лун. Интересные факты “Луна 2112” (в оригинале – Moon) […]...
9. Moon Mission NASA is launching a rocket to the moon. On board there are two pigs and Kiki, a stunning blonde. When the rocket is outside the stratosphere, the first stage drops off. Contact is made: “Houston here, Pig 1, Pig 1, do you read us? Over.” “Oink, oink, here Pig 1, read you loud and clear.” […]...
10. Перевод слова discuss Discuss – обсуждать, дискутировать Перевод слова To discuss measures – обсуждать меры to discuss a trip – говорить о поездке they were discussing me – они говорили обо мне We Discussed our household budget Мы обсудили наш семейный бюджет. What did you Discuss at breakfast? О чем вы говорили за завтраком? We never Discuss politics […]...
11. Значение идиомы full of the moon [full of the moon] {n. phr.}, {literary} The moon when it is seenas a full circle; the time of a full moon. The robbers waited for adark night when the full of the moon was past. Contrast: DARK OF THEMOON....
12. A department store A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing. The man repeats himself: “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him. The guy asks several more times: […]...
13. Значение идиомы promise the moon [promise the moon] {v. phr.} To promise something impossible. Apolitician who promises the moon during a campaign loses the voters’respect. I can’t promise you the moon, but I’ll do the best job Ican. Compare: ASK FOR THE MOON....
14. The wife is not speaking to me 1 A construction worker walks into a bar. He’s a rather large, menacing guy. He orders a beer, chugs it back, and bellows, “All you guys on this side of the bar are a bunch of idiots!” A sudden silence descends. After a moment he asks “Anyone got a problem with that?” The silence lengthens. He […]...
15. Tommy goes into a confessional box and says Tommy goes into a confessional box and says, “Bless me father for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.” The Priest says, “Is that you, Tommy? Tommy says “Yes father, it’s me.” The Priest says “Who was the woman you were with?” Tommy says “I cannot tell you, father, because I don’t […]...
16. Three guys are discussing women Three guys are discussing women. “I like to watch a woman’s tits best,” the first guy says. The second says “I like to look at a woman’s ass.” He asks the third guy “What about you?”. “Me? I prefer to see the top of her head.”...
17. Women’s instructions WOMEN’S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany. Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. So […]...
18. You can’t bring that dog in this bar A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says “You can’t bring that dog in here!” The guy, without missing a beat, says “This is my seeing-eye dog.” “Oh man, ” the bartender says, “I’m sorry, here, the first one’s on […]...
19. Перевод слова green Green – зеленый; свежий, молодой Перевод слова Acid green – ярко-зеленый enjoying a green old age – все еще бодрый, несмотря на годы the green years – юные годы My bedroom carpet is Green. Ковер в моей спальне зеленого цвета. The bananas are still Green. Бананы еще не созрели. Do you see any Green in […]...
20. Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu, but he’d done so well during the year that the teacher suggests to the principal they give him an oral exam to make up for the test he’d missed. The principal agrees so they called Johnny into the office and explain about the oral test. First […]...
21. Perfectly good eyesight Two really old guys decided they would go out and try to play a round of golf together. They get on the first tee and the first old guy says to the second, “My eyesight isn’t what it used to be. Can you watch my ball for me?”. The second guy says, “Sure! I see […]...
22. Grave music A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that […]...
23. Значение идиомы bottom line [bottom line] {v.}, {informal} To finish; to bring to a conclusion. Okay, you guys, let’s bottom line this project and break for coffee....
24. Значение идиомы once in a blue moon [once in a blue moon] {adv. phr.} Very rarely; very seldom; almostnever. Coin collecting is interesting, hut you find a valuable coinonly once in a blue moon. Once in a blue moon someone grows a verypale marigold, but no truly white marigolds have been raised....
25. On a first date, a guy escorts a girl home and asks On a first date, a guy escorts a girl home and asks: Guy: Can I come up for a cup of coffee? Girl: Actually, I never invite guys over on a first date. The guy thinks for a minute and says: Well, what about the last date?...
26. At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies. One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, “Will we have to fight a World War Three?” “Yes, comrades, looks like […]...
27. Ru-Ru Two guys get stuck on a desert island. They are soon caught by the natives and brought to a village and put before the cheif. He says to the first guy,”As punishment for tresspassing I give you a choice, death or Ru Ru”.Not wanting to die he picks Ru Ru. He is then beaten and […]...
28. Over the counter A middle aged man, about 5 foot 8 inches tall, walks into a Walmart and asks where the pharmacy counter is. He is directed to it. When he reaches it, he asks to see the pharmacist. The pharmacist comes and the man, looking around furtively, asks quietly, “Do you sell Viagra here?” The pharmacist answers […]...
29. A woman visits her physician A woman visits her physician. After waiting for a while it’s finally her turn. She enters the doctors’ office and sits down. The PhD asks her: “Well, what can I do for you madam?”. The patient blushes and the PhD sees that apparently she is embarrassed so he says: “You can discuss any matter with […]...
30. Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, “Now, who is going to tell the wife?” They draw straws. Rippington, who […]...
31. Collection 14 I’ve hated your looks from the stare they gave me. Don’t you need a license to be that ugly? Moonlight becomes you – total darkness even more! Someone took a photo of you once, but it didn’t turn out. You could be seen too clearly. So you finally managed to get the last laugh [word]; […]...
32. A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window […]...
33. A woman walks into a tattoo parlour A woman walks into a tattoo parlour and asks ‘Do you do custom work?’ ‘Why of course!’ ‘Good. I’d like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of my right thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside of my left thigh.’ ‘No problem,’ says the artist. ‘Strip from the waist down […]...
34. Three guys are in a plane, lost in fog Three guys are in a plane, lost in fog, and they don’t know where they are. The first guy says “I’ll find out” and puts his arm out the plane, then brings it back in and says “We’re just over Paris” “How do you know” ask the others “Well I’ve just felt the top of […]...
35. Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Sadie says she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, “Mama! I […]...
36. Значение идиомы is that so [is that so] {informal} 1. Oh, indeed? That’s interesting. – Usedin simple acceptance or reply. “The Republicans have pulled a trickat city hall.” “Is that so?” 2. Surely not? – Used in disbelief orsarcasm. “The moon is made of green cheese.” “Is that so?” “I’mgoing to take your girlfriend to the dance,” said Bob. “Oh, […]...
37. Значение идиомы draw a conclusion [draw a conclusion] {v. phr.} To make an inference. After he failed to keep an appointment with me for the third time, I drew the conclusion that he was an unreliable person....
38. Значение идиомы jump to a conclusion [jump to a conclusion] {v. phr.} To decide too quickly or withoutthinking or finding the facts. Jerry saw his dog limping on abloody leg and jumped to the conclusion that it had been shot. Contrast: LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP....
39. Значение идиомы man in the moon [man in the moon] {n. phr.} An imaginary or nonexistent person. Stop asking me suchdifficult questions about nuclear physics; I know as much about it asthe man in the moon....
40. The most painful part A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. During the game the guys notice the girl knew just as much about the game as themselves, and are really impressed. After the game they ask her, “How is it that you know so much about baseball?” She says, “Well, I […]...