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1. Father of my childrenA guy is in line at the local Wal-Mart when he notices that a rather hot blond behind him has just smiled «Hello» to him. He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him… and although familiar he can’t place where he might know her from… so he says…»Sorry….do you ... Читать далее...
2. NoticeTo make things easier for all of us, please notice this Important Notice About Notices. You may have noticed the increased number of notices for you to notice. We notice that some of our notices have been noticed. On the other hand, some of our notices have not been noticed. This is very noticeable. It ... Читать далее...
3. Three women, A brunette, a redhead, and a blondeThree women, A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, all come home from work at the same time and get on the elevator. The brunette notices a blob on the elevator wall and says: » OOOOOhhh that looks like semen.» She reaches out and touches the blob with her fingers and says «It feels like ... Читать далее...
4. Перевод слова motorMotor — двигатель, мотор, автомобильный Перевод слова To burn motor — сжечь двигатель outboard motor — бортовой мотор motor industry — транспортная индустрия The Motor suddenly conked out. Двигатель неожиданно заглох. Williams is obsessive about Motor racing. Уильямс помешан на автогонках. Motor traffic was paralysed in much of the city. В большей части города движение ... Читать далее...
5. Значение идиомы snap one’s fingers at[snap one’s fingers at] {v. phr.} To show contempt for; show norespect for; pay no attention to; scorn; disregard. John snappedhis fingers at the sign that said «Do not enter,» and he went in thedoor. The highway sign said «Speed limit, 35 miles per hour,» butwhen a driver snapped his fingers at it by going ... Читать далее...
6. Перевод слова policemanPoliceman — полицейский Перевод слова Duty policeman — дежурный полицейский military policeman — военный полицейский on-duty policeman — полицейский при исполнении служебных обязанностей plain-clothes policeman — переодетый полицейский The Policeman caught the thief. Полицейский задержал вора. The Policeman blew his whistle. Полицейский свистнул в свисток. The Policeman wore his badge proudly. Полицейский с гордостью носил ... Читать далее...
7. A vacationing penguin is driving through ArizonaA vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. ... Читать далее...
8. Buying a BicycleI went to the Bike shop On Saturday morning to buy a bicycle. Clerk: What kind of bike are you looking for? Lance: I’m really not sure. Clerk: Well, let me show you what we have. We carry Road bikes, mountain bikes, beach cruisers, and Racing bikes. Lance: I’m going to start biking to work. ... Читать далее...
9. Buying a BicycleI went to the Bike shop On Saturday morning to buy a bicycle. Clerk: What kind of bike are you looking for? Lance: I’m really not sure. Clerk: Well, let me show you what we have. We carry Road bikes, mountain bikes, beach cruisers, and Racing bikes. Lance: I’m going to start biking to work. ... Читать далее...
10. Where are the fingers?Jon’s working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He goes to the emergency room. The doctor says, «Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I’ll see what I can do.» Jon says, «I haven’t got the fingers.» The doctor says, «What do ... Читать далее...
11. A truck driver breaks down andA truck driver breaks down and shortly another trucker stops to give him hand. He notices that the first driver has a big red spot painted on his dash and asks him what it’s for. He replies «Oh that’s a conversation piece for when I pick up female hitchhikers. I get lots of pussy that ... Читать далее...
12. A businessman boards a flight66.A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices that she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, «This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American ... Читать далее...
13. The definition of a phallic symbolThis girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks «Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says «you’re kidding..» Girl says «no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???» Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says «You see? This is a failic symbol!» Girl says «Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller»...
14. Some very common traits in two drunksA man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. «Why of course,» comes the reply. The first man then asks: «Where are you from?» «I’m from Ireland,» replies the second man. The first man responds: «You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s ... Читать далее...
15. A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a barA man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. «Why of course,» comes the reply. The first man then asks: «Where are you from?» «I’m from Ireland,» replies the second man. The first man responds: «You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s ... Читать далее...
16. Перевод слова fingersFingers — пальцы Перевод слова Dexterous fingers — ловкие пальцы to count on one’s fingers — считать на пальцах to snap one’s fingers — щелкать пальцами He snapped his Fingers. Он щелкнул пальцами. We ate with our Fingers. Мы ели руками. His Fingers turned to thumbs. Его пальцы одеревенели. Происхождение слова fingers Множественное число для ... Читать далее...
17. A change of styleTwo men were changing in the locker room after a game of tennis. One notices the other one is putting on pair of stockings and suspenders. He says «When did you start wearing them?» To which the other man replies «Since my wife found a pair on the back seat of the car.»...
18. A Manager of a retail clothing store is reviewingA Manager of a retail clothing store is reviewing a potential employee’s application and notices that the man has never worked in retail before. He says to the man, «For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high wage.» «Well Sir,» the applicant replies, «the work is so much harder when ... Читать далее...
19. This guy and a blonde are making out feverishlyThis guy and a blonde are making out feverishly in the front seat of his car. After an hour or so, he whispers in her ear, «Do you want to move to the back seat?» She replies, «NO!» Flabbergasted, he says, «Why Not?» To which she replies, «Well, I want to stay up here with ... Читать далее...
20. Arguing about the signA man was driving down a local street one day and approached a stop sign. He barely slowed down and ran right through the stop sign after glancing for traffic. What the driver didn’t know was that a policeman was watching the intersection. The policeman pulled out after him and stopped the car two blocks ... Читать далее...
21. Policemen in HeavenSt Peter is standing at heaven’s gate when a man walks up. «Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?» «I was a policeman,» he responded. «What kind of policeman?» St Peter asked. «I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids.» «Wonderful my son, ... Читать далее...
22. A big birdOnce upon a time there was this guy who bought a hang glider and took it out to the mountains to fly it. He was cruising along a few hundred feet above the treetops when he spots these two hunters down below. He hollers and waves at them, trying to be sociable. Suddenly the hunters ... Читать далее...
23. New FAA inspectionsWith the number of airline disasters lately, the FAA now sends an inspector to the North Pole to check out Santa Claus’s sleigh before allowing him to fly on Christmas eve. The inspector arrives and checks the reindeer and they look good, he checks the harness and it looks okay, he checks the sleigh and ... Читать далее...
24. The Presidential watchesA man goes to a jewelry store looking to buy a watch. He looks at a watch called «the George Bush Watch» and asks the sales clerk why there are no hands. The sales clerk says — «you are suppose to read his lips». He then looks at a watch called the «Ross Perot Watch» ... Читать далее...
25. Hillary goes to heavenHillary Clinton died and, Lord knows why, went to heaven. St. Peter approached her and says «Hillary, I know you’re ‘somebody’ down on Earth, but up here, you’re just another person. And, I’m swamped right now, so have a seat and I’ll get back with you as soon as I can.» So Hillary sits down ... Читать далее...
26. A Pollock walks over the Red Light District in AmsterdamA Pollock walks over the Red Light District in Amsterdam when suddenly he notices a fine looking hooker looking at him. He stops, bangs on the window and says,»So, what does this cost??!!». And the hooker replies,»25 dollars!!». And the Pollock said,»Hmm, that’s not a lot of money for insulated windows!!»....
27. On preparing to return home from an out of town tripOn preparing to return home from an out of town trip, this man got a small puppy as a present for his son. Not having time to get the paper work to take the puppy onboard, the man just hid the pup down the front of his pants and snunk him onboard the airplane.. About ... Читать далее...
28. A state-of-the-art watchA cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, «Is your date running late?» «No», he replies,»I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just ... Читать далее...
29. Значение идиомы cross one’s fingers[cross one’s fingers] {v. phr.} 1a. To cross two fingers of one hand for good luck. Mary crossed her fingers during the race so that Tom would win. 1b. or [keep one’s fingers crossed] {informal} To wish for good luck. Keep your fingers crossed while I take the test. 2. To cross two fingers of ... Читать далее...
30. These two guys are car pooling home from work one dayThese two guys are car pooling home from work one day. Traffic is barely crawling along and they are both a bit bored. So the driver is looking around and suddenly he points at two dogs having sex on someone’s front lawn. «Look», he shouts «What are the those dogs doing? are they fighting?» The ... Читать далее...
31. Значение идиомы finger[finger] See: BURN ONE’S FINGERS, CROSS ONE’S FINGERS or KEEP ONE’SFINGERS CROSSED, LAY A FINGER ON, LIFT A FINGER, PUT ONE’S FINGER ONalso LAY ONE’S FINGER ON, SLIP THROUGH ONE’S FINGERS, SNAP ONE’SFINGERS AT, STICKY FINGERS, TWIST AROUND ONE’S LITTLE FINGER, WORKONE’S FINGERS TO THE BONE....
32. Mr. Richman has 3daughtersMr. Richman has 3daughters. Their names are nobody, somebody and crazy. One day nobody and somebody are fighting over a fake eyebrow. Then crazy when to the policeman and she said»Nobody and Somebody are fighting» Then the policeman look at her then he said «What are you talking about?» Then she said again «Nobody and ... Читать далее...
33. Перевод слова roundRound — круглый, сферический, пухлый; раунд, тур Перевод слова As round as a ball — круглый как шар the round world — земной шар round cheeks — пухлые щеки second round — второй тур She works all year Round. Она работает круглый год. The wheel turns Round. Колесо вращается. The men closed Round him. Люди ... Читать далее...
34. Prostitute walks into a bar and asks the barmanProstitute walks into a bar and asks the bar man for two Bacardi’s and coke. Bar man serves her and notices that she drinks one and empties the other one down her panties. Now this happened another three times and the bar man was getting rather curious. The bar man nicely questions her and asks ... Читать далее...
35. The scene is a dark jungle in AfricaThe scene is a dark jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the brush when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger in front. The startled tiger turns around and says, «Hey! Cut it out, alright!» The rear tiger says, «sorry,» and they continue. ... Читать далее...
36. A waitress walks up to one of her tables inA waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. She yells, «What the hell do you guys think you are doing?» One of the Japanese men explains, «Can’t you see? We are all berry hungry.» The waitress ... Читать далее...
37. Значение идиомы sticky fingers[sticky fingers] {n. phr.}, {slang} 1. The habit of stealing thingsyou see and want. Don’t leave money in your locker; some of theboys have sticky fingers. Don’t leave that girl alone in the roomwith so many valuable objects around, because she has sticky fingers. 2. Ability to catch a ball, especially football forward passes. Jack ... Читать далее...
38. A man is walking past this house when a used condomA man is walking past this house when a used condom comes flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his head. Rather disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to the front door and starts pounding on it. An elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him to knock ... Читать далее...
39. A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights brokenA lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and his front bumper smashed. There’s no sign of the offending vehicle, but he’s relieved to see that there’s a note stuck under the windshield wiper. The lawyer picks up the note. «Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw ... Читать далее...
40. A man is driving down the road and notices a car in the ditchA man is driving down the road and notices a car in the ditch. He doesn’t usually help many people so he drives on by. Then he notices that a pretty woman is the driver so he goes back to help. As he is hooking his truck to her car he says, «You know, you ... Читать далее...