3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven

Related topics:

1. Baseball in Heaven Two buddies Bob and Earl were two of the biggest baseball fans in America. Their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter, and they pored over every box score during the season. They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come […]...
2. Hillary goes to heaven Hillary Clinton died and, Lord knows why, went to heaven. St. Peter approached her and says “Hillary, I know you’re ‘somebody’ down on Earth, but up here, you’re just another person. And, I’m swamped right now, so have a seat and I’ll get back with you as soon as I can.” So Hillary sits down […]...
3. Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. “Does your wife ever… well, you know… does she… well, let you do it doggie style?” asked one of the two. “Well, not exactly,” his friend replied, “She’s into the dog trick aspect of it.” “Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?” “Well… not exactly. More like […]...
4. Two buddies get together and decide to Two buddies get together and decide to go to a whorehouse, one of them tired of doing it with his wife all the time, the other not having it done for a long time. Anyways the married one goes up and comes down and says ” My wife is much better”. “Allright” goes the other […]...
5. A pedophile dies in a car crash and goes to heaven A pedophile dies in a car crash and goes to heaven. He’s stopped at the pearly gates by St. Peter, who is really miffed: “You swine. How can you have the audacity to try and enter heaven after you have lead such a perverted, ungodly life. Do you think you have a snowballs chance in […]...
6. I was out with one of my best drinking buddies I was out with one of my best drinking buddies, George, and he was talking about marriage, and then his wife. He drank some, then said, “Well, what it comes down to Jimmy, is… well… my wife knows nothing of my wants and needs… she’s hardly ever in the mood for sex… I guess what […]...
7. Перевод слова huge Huge – громадный, гигантский Перевод слова Huge eater – обжора huge sleeper – соня huge difference – колоссальное различие huge debts – огромные долги The new system has made a Huge difference. Новая система – совсем другое дело. My dad’s got a Huge record collection. У моего папы огромная коллекция аудиозаписей. There is a Huge […]...
8. While attending a spelling session in school one day While attending a spelling session in school one day, The teacher asked if anyone could spell the word DUMB? Darla raises her hand and says “I can, I can” The teacher replies, “OK, go ahead Darla…” Darla replies…”D-U-M-B” The teacher replies, “very good”, and “can you use that word in a sentence?” Darla replies, “Sure, […]...
9. Three men die in a plane crash and are waiting Three men die in a plane crash and are waiting to enter heaven. St. Peter asks the first man, “What did you do on Earth?” Man #1: I was a doctor. St. P.: Go right through those pearly gates. St. P.: And what did you do on Earth? Man #2: I was a school teacher. […]...
10. Accountant in Heaven An accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name. After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a […]...
11. A nerdy accountant is sent to jail for embezzlement A nerdy accountant is sent to jail for embezzlement and they put him in a cell with a huge evil looking guy. The big guy says, “I want to have some sex. You wanna be the husband or the wife?” The accountant replies, “Well, if I have to be one or the other, I guess […]...
12. Qualifying for Heaven Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They […]...
13. Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Ford, “Well, you’ve been such a good guy and your invention, the assembly line for the automobile, changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven.” Ford thinks about it and says, “I wanna […]...
14. Family Life – Семейная жизнь Family is very important for every person. It’s a special unit of society, which matters the most. The human nature has a need to always communicate, to have friends, partners and children, to share emotions and experience. So, loneliness is a bit unnatural for people. For this reasons everybody has a family. It isn’t surprising […]...
15. A teacher was working with a group of underprivileged children A teacher was working with a group of underprivileged children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits. Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers, more flavors than you […]...
16. Just cut your hair first A young man comes home and says “Dad, just got my driver’s license and would like to use the family car.” Father replies, :”O. K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months […]...
17. A woman walks into a pet store A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, “I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.” “No worries,” replies the clerk. […]...
18. An old retired man goes to his wife one day An old retired man goes to his wife one day, and says to her, “I don’t know how to tell you this dear, but the stock market crashed, and I’m afraid we’re broke.” The wife says, “No, we’re not. Let’s go for a drive into town.” Husband replies, “Our savings are all gone and you […]...
19. British and American families – Британские и американские семьи British and American families are small. In fact the populations of both Britain and the USA have stopped growing. The typical family has a father, mother and two children. Grandparents come to visit, but do not usually live with their children. Most people get married between the ages of 20 and 23 but many marriages […]...
20. All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband. The husband was totally dumfounded and asks, “What was that for?” Wife said, “Because, you are a bad fuck”. Couple of minutes later, the husband smacks his wife. This time, the wife was confused and asked, “And may I ask what’s that about?” Husband said, ” […]...
21. Together again Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and has 17 children. Then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her next husband. Then he dies. A while later, she dies. At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, “At least they’re finally together.” A guy sitting in […]...
22. Father of my children A guy is in line at the local Wal-Mart when he notices that a rather hot blond behind him has just smiled “Hello” to him. He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him… and although familiar he can’t place where he might know her from… so he says…”Sorry….do you […]...
23. Перевод слова difference Difference – различие, разница, несходство Перевод слова Difference of opinion – расхождение во мнениях difference of five pounds – разница в пять фунтов to have a difference with smb. – поспорить с кем-л. It makes no Difference. Какая разница? Can you taste the Difference? Вы можете почувствовать разницу? It makes a vast Difference. Это значительно […]...
24. Welfare applications For those unfamiliar, Welfare payments are made in the US to individuals and families with income below a level. The following quotations are taken from actual letters received by the Welfare Department in applications for support of receiving payments. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had seven but one died which […]...
25. Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu, but he’d done so well during the year that the teacher suggests to the principal they give him an oral exam to make up for the test he’d missed. The principal agrees so they called Johnny into the office and explain about the oral test. First […]...
26. Значение идиомы will not hear of [will not hear of] {v. phr.} Will not allow or consider, refuseattention to or permission for. I want to go to the show tonight, but I know my mother will not hear of it. Mary needs another dayto finish her book report, but the teacher won’t hear of any delay. John’s father told him he […]...
27. Business is business A young Jewish boy starts attending public school in a small town. The teacher of the one-room school decides to use her position to try to influence the new student. She asks the class, “Who was the greatest man that ever lived?” A girl raises her hand and says, “I think George Washington was the […]...
28. It’s in the Bible A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.” The husband said, ” You are in charge of cooking around here and […]...
29. American and British schools – Американские и Британские школы In America, all children from six to sixteen go to school. They spend six years in “elementary” school, and four or six years in “secondary” or “high” school. School education is free. At the end of every school year, the children take a test. If a child does well, he goes into next class (“grade”). […]...
30. Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to consider this Husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston After almost twenty-four hours on the road, They’re too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back […]...
31. For their 25th wedding anniversary For their 25th wedding anniversary, a man decides to take his wife on a trip to France. After two weeks touring France, they return to the airport for the trip back to America. While waiting for the plane, the wife turns to her husband and says, “This was the most wonderful gift I could have […]...
32. Suffering A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife about the problem. She responds, “My husband suffers from premature ejaculation.” The counselor turns to her husband and inquires “Is that true?” The husband replies “Well not exactly, she’s the one that suffers, not me.”...
33. A boy comes home from school and tells his mother A boy comes home from school and tells his mother that he got a part in the school play. “What part?” the mother asked. “I play a Jewish husband,” the boy replied. “Go back to school and tell your teacher that you want a speaking role!”...
34. Policemen in Heaven St Peter is standing at heaven’s gate when a man walks up. “Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?” “I was a policeman,” he responded. “What kind of policeman?” St Peter asked. “I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids.” “Wonderful my son, […]...
35. Deadly disease “My girl, Ginger, is going to die of syphilis,” mumbles an angry biker to one of his buddies. “No,” says the friend, “people don’t die of syphilis anymore.” The angry biker replies, “They do when they give it to me!”...
36. One night, as a couple lay down for bed This joke sucks…. One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says, “I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.” The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to […]...
37. Little Johny being literal Teacher asks the children to discuss what their Dad’s do for a living. Little Mary says: “My Dad is a lawyer. He puts the bad guys in jail.” Little Jack says: “My Dad is a doctor. He makes all the sick people better.” All the kids in the class had their turn except Little Johnny. […]...
38. Перевод слова husband Husband – муж Перевод слова Ex-husband, former husband – бывший муж henpecked husband – подкаблучник to leave one’s husband – оставить мужа My Husband doesn’t cook Мой муж не готовит. She lied to her Husband. Она солгала мужу. She cheats on her Husband. Она изменяет своему мужу....
39. A circumcision Little Joey and Little Danny, both aged 5, are walking home from school. Danny says “I won’t be going to school tomorrow.” “Why not?” asks Joey. “I have to go to the hospital,” says Danny woefully. “That’s awful,” says Joey. “Why do you have to go there? Are you sick?” Danny shakes his head and […]...
40. A bored woman says to her husband A bored woman says to her husband as she clasps her hands together, “Guess what I have in here and you’ll get some loving tonite.” The equally bored husband, wishing to avoid any kind of sex at all replies, “An elephant”. The wife sez “That’s close enough!”...